Respect of Individuality

Some people may spend a lot of time asking you to be like them, or to be like those around them. You may have expereinced this in life. When this has happened to me, I find it is because they don’t respect my individuality.

But then, do I? Do I respect my own individuality? Not completely. Comparison to others and coming up short on the stick is a concept that is engrained in me from early years. It has been difficult to change from that default, as I have experienced over the years. And, I continue to try…

Do you respect your own individuality? Do you help your individuality to flourish by standing up for who you are? Or are you constantly trying to be like someone else?

If you are standing up for yourself and your individuality, then you must be standing up for your dream. You are celebrating that part of you which wants to be expressed, and are taking action to further this part of you, this dream. That’s awesome. Good for you!

But what if you are not celebrating your dream, not respecting the individuality of it? How can you get to the point of celebration for your dream, so you are in sync with your soul’s desire?

Consider that you were gifted by the Universe with certain skills and natural talents. There is something in your life that comes easily for you, that you are good at. Think about that for a minute and really let it sink in; believe it to be true. Really think about the natural skill you have identified.

Then, consider that you have been gifted this thing for which you have passion and in which you enjoy engaging for the purpose of sharing it with the world. Consider that this is your mission in life. Consider that your people are waiting for you and that your gift is what they’re waiting for.

It is natural to feel a sort of reverence when thought of in this manner, so feel that fully. Then make the decision to step into that role, to take responsibility for your individuality by showing up for your life in service to others.

Practice respect for your individuality today. The more you do this, the more peace you will feel and remember, that is our objective, to feel more peace in our lives, more peace inside. Are you in?

Acknowledgment of Others

One of the things you need to do in the pursuit of your dream is to acknowledge yourself for that dream. When you acknowledge your dream, you are saying yes to the Universe. 

The urgings of your heart are there for a reason…. Your soul wants you to pay attention to the messages it is sending in the form of a dream.

I know this image’s title is Acknowledgment of Others, yet in the verse that accompanies it in the book, it talks about acknowledging yourself also. So, consider that the title is Acknowledgment of Others and Yourself.

It is okay to acknowledge yourself, to give some consideration to your thoughts, your desires, and your dream. Again, once you acknowledge these things, the Universe steps up to match your acknowledgment.

We get our strength from others, as well as from within. That is what the little “beings” are doing in the photo… they are looking at each other to represent turning to others, and they have their “backs” to each other to represent the turning inward that is necessary for us each to regroup.

Acknowledge your dream not only to yourself, but to others as well. Speak of it to them so that it becomes firm in your mind and heart. Ferret out the details of the dream, until you are very familiar with it, until the details are second nature to you.

Today, recognize that you need to acknowledge your dream before the Universe can step in and help you out. Happily tell the world about your dream and your plans to follow it. That is all part of what it means to acknowledge it.

When you put your intention out there, all sorts of things start to happen to further your dream. As you follow it, you will start to know peace.  

Patina of Patience

One of the most useful tools to use while fulfilling your dream is patience. And I don’t mean standing around, tapping your toe, waiting for something to happen.

No, I mean patience after you have taken action in some way. Here’s how it goes… You have identified your dream, that which resonates with your heart.

You have made the decision to attain this dream and have listed out the steps it will take to get there. You have taken the first action and you are waiting to see what results from it.

While you are waiting, notice anything that shows up in your path for which action is needed, and do that. Otherwise, do the next indicated thing to do.

In other words, do the next thing on your list. While you are waiting for the results of that action, notice anything new that comes up on your path and attend to that. Otherwise, do the next indicated thing on your list. And so forth…

Soon, you will have gotten a long way toward your goals and you will have received feedback from the Universe, letting you know to proceed in your current direction or to alter your course.

How will you know what the Universe is saying to you? Doors will open or close, and because you are following up on those opportunities that are presented to you, it will become obvious the direction in which to head.

One thing I must mention is what I realized when I became a few years sober. I realized how much I forced things to go my way. I would take action toward a goal, and then not be patient and wait for a result. Instead, I would keep pushing the issue. I didn’t know how to practice patience.

This was a source of much unnecessary misery which you can avoid by practicing patience as you work toward your dream. And, it will bring you closer to your ultimate goal of peace.

Rolls of Perseverance

It take lots of perseverance on your part to fulfill your dream. The bottom line is, it’s your job to follow through and take action to move things along to fulfillment. 

And the thing about perseverance is this: sometimes when you take action, you will get nowhere. It will seem like doors are slamming in your face.

When this happens, know that the Universe may be sending you a signal that you are going in the wrong direction. When you are going in the right direction, everything will fall into place easily.

However, there are times when even though you’re going in the right direction, you aren’t making progress. In that case, try to be the impartial observer as you review the steps you have taken to move things along. Make adjustments as you identify ways to improve what actions you’ve taken and what you are planning to do.

If after that assessment you think you are going in the right direction, then try to change your tactic a bit and see if that gets better results. The secret is to practice perseverance.

It is tempting at times to give up on the dream, especially if discouraged because you are getting nowhere, or making very little progress.

Today, I invite you to get clear in your heart what you are trying to accomplish, who you are trying to serve and why. With that reminder, gain the strength to continue to try. The reward is astounding peace.

Ray of Hope

It is 5:30 am Sunday morning and I have been up since midnight. I just popped awake, and decided to get up. Finally, I have made some sense and order of my inbox.

I sit on the enclosed porch and watch the sky to the east. It has turned a shade of dark gray. The traffic noise from nearby Highway 101 is still… I hear two birds singing. It is a reverent time of the day for me, a time in which I connect to Source.

After accepting yourself fully, hope comes to you. “A ray of light across the bars of my being lights the way… instills hope in my heart.”

You have accepted your dream as a part of who you are, part of your soul, and you have committed to follow that dream. This fuels your hope that your life can be fulfilling.

***********

It is now Monday morning at 5 am; I have been up since three. And I am wondering how the day slipped away yesterday, such that I never finished the blog post! I am having hope that I can get back on a daily schedule and not forget to blog… lol

Being in a state of hopelessness is a devastating place to be. When I was there at that point, I prayed to God to let me die. I saw no point to life as I was experiencing it.

Then something happened that gave me hope. I discovered my purpose, that my life had a purpose. For me, it is to share with you the message of self-love and love of others, to share about how to forgive so you can make peace with your life.

Today, look for hope through your purpose in life. What are your talents and skills? Who can you serve? When you figure out who you can serve, you will most likely have discovered your dream. And when you do, you’re well on your way to peace.

Acceptance of Self

When you fulfill your dream, the urgings of your heart, you are practicing self-acceptance. Why is that, you may ask?

Your dream is a part of who you are, a part of your make-up. When you say yes to it, when you follow those urgings of your heart, you are expressing that part of you that is God-given, the part of you that is your purpose in life.

You see, your purpose in life is relayed to you in the dream you hold in your heart. To embrace it is to practice self-acceptance.

You have looked at yourself through the self-appraisal you completed. In that appraisal, you will have identified your strong points, and one of them was most likely about your dream.

If not, re-work that part of your self-appraisal to include all the things about yourself to which you aspire, and then identify the strengths you possess that will aid in you reaching those aspirations.

Practicing self-acceptance is a very spiritual place to be. It is a place of deep knowingness that you are okay, that you are perfect just where you are in life and the way you are in life.

You are open to seeing areas where you would like to improve yourself, and you work on those. You will use all the keys we have discussed thus-far, such as willingness, surrender, trust, and courage. 

With your practice, you are moving forward in the path to a deep peace about yourself and your life. When you make the commitment to follow your dream and take action, you will be softly and gently veiled with grace and wonder about all that falls into place for you.

I have recently had that experience. It has been happening for the last 3 months. I had decided to expand my speaking, and suddenly, I was introduced to several workshops about just that – how to become a dynamic speaker.

When I think about why I am speaking, I get a calm sense of knowingness that it is my intended purpose in life. What I am speaking about is the 3 Secrets to Making Peace with Your Life. I feel there are people out there who are experiencing bitterness and misery. Heck, I speak to enough of them! That’s what I experienced for 53 years of my life.

But it changed, and it can change for you, too. Life can become full of great joy and peace. That’s why I blog about the topics in the book – because they go through the process I discovered that led the way to peace. I want to share that with the world.

Today, consider your dream, the tuggings of your heart. Think about how you would feel if that came true. Keep that vision in your heart, and accept that dream, that vision, as a part of who you are. Practice self-acceptance. 

Tiers of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a powerful tool to use to get you closer to living your dream. Once you learn to forgive, you will find that you have more energy to devote to it.

How do you know that you need to forgive? If you hold grudges or are bitter toward another, you are a candidate for learning forgiveness.

Grudges and bitterness rob you of a great deal of energy. Rather than expending it on your resentments, you will be freed up to devote that same energy to your dream.

Furthermore, because the energy you now have will be positive, you will move more quickly through the process to fulfill your dream and reach peace.

You see, the main reason you are learning to live your dream is so that your soul will be in synch with your purpose, and you will know peace as a result. 

I explain in greater detail the process of forgiveness in my article which you get when you opt-in to my website, or in other words, when you leave your email. I will be setting this up next week, so feel free to return and leave your email.

The article talks about the effect that lack of forgiveness produces, as well as how I achieved it from a life of bitterness and misery. I then give the specific actions to follow that will lead you, too, to forgiveness.

Basically, it involves six stages:

• Identify the person against whom you are bitter and holding a grudge.
• Feel in your heart how they have wronged you. Feel the hurt beneath these feelings, maybe confusion over betrayal…
• Offer yourself compassion, a wounded person in need of comfort.
• Consider that this person is and was a wounded person, whose wounds led them to the action they took against you.
• See that person with compassion, just as you would any wounded person.
• Allow the resentment to melt away a little at a time until you can forgive.

You may find yourself  re-visitng old issues, and this is okay. They are being brought up for you to look at so you can heal. Try to sit with them without self-medicating or escaping them. Once you apply compassion, they will begin to resolve.

Today, ferret out the grudges and resentments you hold against others, as well as yourself. Follow the process I have outlined above and see if you can get a bit of the resentment to melt away. Keep doing that process until you have achieved forgiveness.

What is it like for you to forgive? What does it feel like?

Curls of Kindness

Practicing kindness, being kind to others and ourselves, furthers our journey to living our dream. By showing kindness, we ignite the giving and receiving dance that occurs between two beings when they feel they are in a safe and loving space. That, in turn, fuels the courage to pursue our dream.

The curls of the gate on your right are difficult to see in this small photo, yet they are there and are why the terms curls and kindness are paired together.

You see, as each curl extends itself outward, touching another, it then curls back upon itself. Kindness is like that. When you extend it, it is returned to you in like fashion. 

As each curl joins another, it represents the power you receive from that other, allowing you the courage to pursue your dream. You thrive with the support and kindness from that person.

If you take on the practice of random acts of kindness, then you have arrived at a glorious state. It feels so good to offer kindness to another and to see their face light up with a smile in response to your words or actions. That is the reward you gain, the gift you receive – knowing you helped another fellow human being.

The thing about kindness is that most people are not expecting it, and so when they receive it, they are caught off-guard, displaying in their reaction more of their inner self. That is always so beautiful to witness.

Don’t forget to give yourself kindness. Convert your negative self-talk into kind words uttered for all of your actions taken and words spoken. Make it a habit to show yourself random acts of kindness, for you, too, can use that bolstering. We all can. It feeds our soul.

Today, fill your soul with happiness and courage to pursue your dream. Practice giving and receiving kindness in your life.

Pillar of Strength

When you stand in your own morals, truth, and integrity, you will have the strength of a pillar. This is in opposition to taking on everyone else’s morals, truth, and integrity.

I did that in order to keep peace in my marriage… became my husband’s beliefs and actions. Meanwhile, my soul died a little at a time until I, as a person, was no longer visible.

Good morning. I am back and I regret not posting a note saying I’d be gone at a workshop for a few days, and would return the following (this) week.  The thing is, I took my computer, fully planning on blogging every morning. But I found myself too exhausted to do so.

Please pardon my silent voice for these past several days… Thank you to those of you who continued to visit in my absence…

I am back and talking today about how you can reach your dream and find peace by following your own heart, your own morals, truth, and integrity.

It is so important that you be you in life. You have a special light to offer the world in whatever is “your way,” and the way to that end is achieved by bringing who you are into the light.

This includes looking at your morals, the things you tell yourself about right and wrong and then your actions in carrying them out in your life.

Looking at your truth(s) takes some investigation and discovery. It is whatever resonates with your heart when you hear a statement made  about your core belief(s). I don’t know how else to describe the experience other than that bells and whistles go off in your head, and your heart swells with emotion.  Whatever it is that leads to that feeling is your truth.

Your integrity is the quality or state of being of sound moral principle. It is how you show up to others, maintaining your truth when you are around others or even just yourself.

When you stand in your morals, truth, and integrity, you are taking a stand for yourself. The forces of the Universe line up when this occurs and it sends you assistance with your endeavors. It sends you strength to move past your fear.

Try to let go of pleasing others. Look at where that desire comes from, what the old message is, and attempt to conquer that thought, feeling, and belief by offering yourself compassion for the wounded person that you were and still are.

It is frightening to step out and be yourself at first, and the good news is that it gets easier as you do it more. The rewards you will reap are tremendous, including an improved self-esteem, confidence, and love. When you can stand in your own morals, truth, and integrity, you are furthered on your journey to peace.

Fields of Compassion

You may be afraid to follow your dream. If so, offer yourself compassion for the fear, for that (likely) small child receiving that wound – terrified.

Then give yourself some compassion for the wounds that caused the fear. Let yourself feel the hurt and pain that wound produced, using doses of compassion when it gets difficult to feel your feelings.

Offer it to yourself because you are wounded. You have been struck with a sliver to the heart and it has festered all these years, creating a barrier for love to flow in and out , back and forth between you and the world.  

Compassion is your ability to feel sympathy or sorrow for another’s suffering, usually associated with a desire to help.

In this case, it is the sorrow your soul feels for the suffering you have had over the years. Have you been miserable emotionally, hiding that misery from others with things such as self-medicating, blaming others for it?

Know that you can admit to the feelings. In fact, it is better to acknowledge them, so you can feel and deal with them. Hopefully, you apologized to yourself for having the belief that you are alone in the world, for you are not. Know that there are people waiting to help and support you. 

Back to “getting over it.” When you are told  to just get over the pain and resentment, a disservice has just been done to you, and it is detrimental to your healing, in my humble opinion. Offer yourself compassion for that guilt you feel over the comment, for your thought that there is something wrong with you, that you “should” be able to get over “it,” whatever “it” is…

There is nothing wrong with you. You are experiencing your own timetable in your healing. This is assuming you are taking action to heal, as opposed to doing nothing and blaming.

It has been my experience that I needed to look at my emotions carefully. That was nearly impossible, as I couldn’t even identify them, let alone name them. It took longer for me than for other people.

At times, the people I would vent to were unavailable , either not present physically or emotionally. I cannot blame them. In fact, I send them my gratitude for their compassionate hearts and offer THEM compassion for the draining times they had listening to my woes.

Well, I have meandered with this concept of compassion and offering it to ourselves. I love free-form writing, stream-of-consciousness… One other thing to note is that compassion is an integral part of forgiveness, which, if we want to make peace with our lives, we need to extend to others and to ourselves. Compassion is a salve to use during this process.

How do you show compassion to yourself? Have you ever used it to get to peace?

Bed of Gentleness

There is nothing quite like showing yourself gentleness to speed along your healing and growth processes.

It will go a long way toward helping you to overcome the desire to beat yourself up, or to criticize yourself, not only during the appraisal portion of your journey, but throughout your journey.

Cut yourself some slack. I’m not advocating you pat yourself on the back for unkind and uncaring behaviors, but I am saying to allow yourself to be human with failings.

The thing about your failings, your short-comings is that you can choose to change them into victories, lessons to learn.

I am advocating you take a long, hard, honest look at yourself, using humility to do so. And I am advocating that you show yourself gentleness as you do that looking. Beating yourself up is counter-productive.

Feeling regret or remorse over some action, words, or behavior? Be gentle; recognize that you did the best you could at the time. If you’d have known better, you would have done better.

Now you have the opportunity to change anything you did that you don’t like, or, at the very least, to get some peace from your regrets. Be gentle with yourself as you go about making those changes.

Allow yourself to slowly and gently reveal yourself to yourself and others. Showing gentleness to yourself and others is paramount as you continue on your journey to living your dream and finding peace. 

Search of Self

One way to find your true path, your dream, is to search your heart by doing a self-appraisal. Buried in this exercise is one way to find your dream.

A self-appraisal is like a performance evaluation. You do it to ferret out your thoughts, beliefs, actions, and behaviors. The point is not to beat yourself up, but to discover your core self.

When you uncover and follow what lies in your heart, you are well on your way to peace because you will be following your dream.

I believe this is because your heart and soul are connected, and when you are doing what your heart urges you to do, you are doing what your soul’s purpose is.

When you do your soul’s purpose, you are in synch with your true purpose in life, and that brings you peace. All this from looking within.

When searching yourself, look first at your positive points, actions, words, and thoughts. Look at ways in which your behavior helped another, or made them feel better about themselves. Then look at how they helped raise you up so that you learned some positive points about yourself.

Then think of things you said to another to build them up. After that, think of your self-talk and determine what you are saying to yourself. Are you positive and encouraging? If not, this is your goal.

Your goal is to identify your positive points and then acknowledge your goodness.

Now it is time to look at your negative thoughts, words, and deeds.  In what ways have you torn down another, said disparaging words to them, talked badly of them behind their back, denigrated their spirit?

How do you talk to yourself? What do you believe about yourself and do you denigrate YOUR spirit? 

When you shine the light of awareness on your shortcomings, you can begin to heal and change your negative behavior toward others and yourself.

While you are doing this exercise, keep in touch with a friend, spouse, or family member so they can offer you support and clarify your behavior by offering their unbiased perspective. Ask them to provide that for you.

You will find that you uncover some delightful and beautiful things about yourself. You will also discover some embarrassing or damaging things you thought, said, or did. Take ownership of them all. Apologize as indicated if it will not be hurtful to another. 

This may be a difficult exercise to complete, as it may bring up some uncomfortable emotions. Stick with it and try to be present through it without self-medicating for a set period every day.

What you find will eventually lead you to peace in your soul and that is one of the things you are searching for, right? Look honestly but fairly at your heart. What do you see? What are you doing to follow your heart’s longings, your dreams? 

Commitment of Journey

If you are searching for peace, inner peace, then one way to get it is to commit to your dream. 

As we’ve discussed, your dream, the urgings of your heart, are from your divine and are your purpose in life. You are asked to be following those urgings, which may be one reason why you are reading this post.

Peace is possible when you cease the unrest of your heart, your mind. If your soul is at odds with itself, which it is when we are not on our true path, how can your heart and mind be at rest?

To get to that place of commitment, you must be willing to take this journey, no matter what. You may need to deal with scoffing from a spouse, family, or friends. Even through agonizing feelings, commit.

The reward is a heart and mind that are at rest, closer to peace. What are you doing to commit to your journey to peace?

Key of Willingness

The day dawns bright and clear-skied; I can hear birds singing. It is the morn of a special day for me. I am giving my first workshop, in a series of many. Everything I’ll need is piled on the couch, awaiting loading in about an hour.

And I am excited! Really excited to offer what I will to my audience… a way to make peace with your life. In case you’re interested and in the San Francisco Bay Area, it’s today from 10 am to noon at the Embassy Suites – San Rafael 94903. 

This is a dream of mine, to share my story, my message, and I am fulfilling it in part, due to my willingness, which brings me to today’s topic…

How willing are you to do whatever it takes to follow your dream? How about to find peace doing your dream?

It is terrifying to make a leap of faith, trying to believe that everything will be okay, when I move forward to live my dream. At least it has been for me, especially the financial investment for training workshops.

Yet, I was willing to do whatever it took to get to the point of following my dream. You, too, can be willing. If you believe that the urging of your heart is your divine, your Source, speaking to you, then it is easier to believe that what you feel in your heart is your dream.

It is easier to take that leap of faith. Even if you don’t believe in anything outside of yourself as a Source, use the higher good within you… follow the urgings of your heart because it is for your higher good. Only you can make that determination.

The key is willingness… to take a risk, to take a leap of faith, to find the courage… all is takes is willingness the size of a tiny keyhole…

Openness of Heart

One of the ways in which you can live your dream is to open you heart and mind to it.

When you have a mindset that you cannot have your dream for this, this, or that reason, you negate the Universe’s efforts to bring it to you.

You see, when you make the declaration that you have a dream you are going to pursue, the Universe steps up to bring you what you need to fulfill it.

Open your heart and mind to yourself, to your capabilities, your talents… the things that are stupendous about you, the things that will make you successful at your dream.

Practice being honest about your dream… humble, yet courageous. Yes, you may have your doubts and this is the other side of sanity talking to you, getting you to look at things realistically.

However, there comes a time when looking realistically at your dream crosses the line and becomes negative self-talk, a series of put-downs. Be aware of when you start to do this. Ultimately, practice trust in the Universe, that your dream is your way to peace.

You cannot do these things when your heart and mind are closed to new possibilities, new wonders and gifts. Today, become aware of how open your heart and mind are to your dream. I invite you to fling wide open any gates to your heart that prevent you from doing this.

By now, your dream has become more than just an idea, perhaps. My heart is off to you… carry on. If you are not moving forward to realize your dream, I invite you to open your heart and mind to it, and to take action.

Welds of Honesty

Honesty is one of the things that holds your dream up; it cements it, just like a weld of two pieces of metal.

How do you apply honesty to your dream? Well, you consider the divine plan for yourself, and if you feel strongly in your heart that you are following that plan, then you are being honest about your true nature. You are practicing honesty.

If, on the other hand, you are having urgings to follow a dream and are not doing so, you are not practicing being honest with yourself or your divine Source.

It is dishonest not to be true to ourselves, and if that includes needing to follow a dream which is divinely supported, so be it.

How can you switch from dishonesty to honesty? You can admit to your heart’s urgings, admit to your dream. Then, start taking action to follow it. You do the next indicated thing that is in your path to do. Over time, you will be experiencing your dream.

When you keep doing the action, you get closer and closer to fulfilling your needs. You will experience peace when you are engaging in your dream, because you are in sync with your soul.

So, go forth and demonstrate honesty about your dream. Admit it to yourself, speak up about it and then follow through to get there. You can do it, you’ll be amazed!

I extend my humility to all of you. I intended to post every M-W-F, and here it is a week already since my last one. I just cannot seem to incorporate that schedule into my routine. In response, I am going to resume posting a daily blog. I know that worked for me. Hopefully, it works for you.

All along with my blogging, we have been discussing the topics from my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. I write about each topic in the order that it appears in the book of 42 topics. Once we complete all the topics, I start over again at the beginning of the book.

I did a recent series on sobriety which I plan to re-work and publish again soon. Meanwhile, we are talking about finding and living our dream(s). My most recent blog last Wednesday was on humility. I return to it again this morning, as I have some really fine things about my book to share with you.

A couple of  months ago, I entered two prestigious book award contests. I have received recent notification that my book received two coveted awards!

From the Eric Hoffer Book Awards, my book has received the distinction of the DiVinci Eye Award. This is awarded for the best cover art, and is presented to approximately twelve books. I say with the greatest humility, I designed the cover myself, took the photo that is on it, selected Zapfino font for the title… My designer added the subtitle and my name. I am humbled by the award.

The Nautilus Book Awards presented my book with a Silver Medal in the Gifts/Specialities category. This is so exciting for me, as the book is beginning to get the recognition that it deserves. Now, when you need a gift, you can think of Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. Hop on over and take a look. Click on “buy the book” to the left for the specific details.

For those of you in the San Francisco Bay Area, you may wish to come to a live presentation based on the book. I am presenting the free workshop, “How to Make Peace with Your Life” on Saturday, 4-28, from 10 am to noon, at the Embassy Suites San Rafael in CA 94903. My talk will focus on discovering the gates of your heart, tools to unlock the gates, and how to push the gates open, allowing abundant goodness to flow in. See you there!

Spaces of Courage

Good morning! We are now on a schedule of blogs every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Today we will talk about how to find the courage to follow your dream.

Perhaps you have the dream to become a caterer, or a teacher. Whatever the desire you hold, if it is coming from your heart, perhaps it is your divine path.

Listen to those urgings, the tug at your heartstrings, for it is your intended path. Even if you feel the pulling, it is frightening to follow a dream.

It takes courage to follow a dream, and some daring to stand out. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be a great caterer, or a teacher, or whatever your dream is?” We don’t feel worthy, so we ignore the voices of our heart and soul. 

Instead, we go to jobs every day that do not fulfill our soul’s desire. After a while, our soul dies and we feel lethargic, listless. We are tired and irritable with our family when we get home after a whole day of  pushing ourselves through a job we perhaps despise.

What is one remedy? If we are aware of a dream we have, we can make the decision and commitment to follow it. This takes a lot of guts, or courage. Courage is what allows us to move forward in the face of fear.

Step out, Stop playing small. Be the light the divine forces of the Universe want and intend you to be. Find the resources you need to move forward, even if you don’t think what you have is sufficient. When you move in the direction of your dream, the Universe steps forward and brings you what you need. It just seems to work that way…

Identify what is holding you back from following your dream. If it is fear, pray for the courage to move forward, even just a step at a time. See what happens when you do.  Follow your dream and it will bring you closer to peace.

Shadows of Doubt

I had a specific request to deal with what to do when we doubt there is a God, so today I will address my thoughts about that. First, let me say that I have decided to blog every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I will start that this coming Monday.

I debated using “power greater than ourselves,” or “great spirit” in the title, rather than God. The word “God” seems to scare away those who do not believe in such a power or spirit. It used to do that to me until I read the book Conversations with God  by Neale Donald Walsch.

This book presented the idea that God existed in everything and everyone, without all the dogma that religion dictates. I could wrap my heart around that! When I believed there was a God everywhere, I felt tremendously light-hearted, joyous. I felt deeply connected with those around me, as well as my surroundings.  

Like many of us, I started as a young child being taken to church and being taught to believe in God and Jesus. Then, my family moved away from my grandparents, and my parents did not continue to take me to church. A few years after I stopped going to church, I found myself praying to God to stop the abusive behavior that was being thrown my way.

He never answered, never stopped the abuse. In response, I stopped believing there was a God and became enraged with Him. If there was a God, how could He be allowing me to go through what I was going through? It made no sense why He would allow my suffering.

That anger lasted for about 30 years, during which time I developed my life under the influence of alcohol and drugs. They became the power larger than myself. Then, about 4 months before I got sober, I read the book Conversations with God. And my life changed forever.

Now-a-days, I believe there is a God that guides me in a Divine plan, designed to take me to my highest good. I speak to this force, this God, throughout the day, acknowledging and thanking Him for all the things in my day that are going well, going as I wish. When I do this, doors keep opening in front of me. 

It wasn’t always like that. Even in sobriety, I went through a period of a few years when I was angry at God again for allowing me to suffer the abuse I did. I saw that it served no purpose except to bring emotional misery to my life. Even though I was angry and did not believe, I prayed to that power to let me die. I was too frightened to commit suicide, had no good means.

This feeling and my praying ceased in an instant after an experience I had one day, and I will speak about that tomorrow. It has allowed me to see my purpose in life and to move forward in joy, eager to be of service to others who suffer or suffered the same abuse I did.

I will also speak of words I was told, suggestions that were made, that allowed me to stop being angry at God and to even believe that some greater power existed. My doubt in God has resolved over time.

I will see you tomorrow.

Shadows of Doubt

How do we handle self-doubt about our dream, our heart’s desire? This is, interestingly, something that has come up for me in relation to my own dream of becoming a speaker. It seems like I am going through the process of the book with you in relation to following our heart’s desire to fulfill our souls. 

Just like the image to the left, the right side of the image is like our mind when we go into self-doubt. It is filled with “stuff,” chaos, everything going which-way. On the other hand, when we are out of self-doubt, when we are confident in our endeavor, our mind is light and airy, like on the left side of the image.

How do we get to that point? We start by identifying our feelings of doubt. We need to allow them to be, without ignoring or numbing them. As we feel that feeling in the pit of our stomachs, what is going on?

For me, that was sheer terror when I felt that feeling. In looking at it further, I whittled it down again and again until I determined that what I was terrified about was having to speak without my notes, that I would forget what I was talking about, and that I was terrified I would look stupid to the audience, like I had no clue what I was talking about.

Ah, the old ego comes into play. So, I had to ask myself why I am so terrified of looking stupid and I trace it back to repeatedly being told that I WAS stupid, pretty much my entire life. When one hears such words reinforced so much, one begins to believe them.

Now I can look at myself and all the times I was told I was stupid with great compassion. I can hold that child, that adult, in my heart and wrap her with love and compassion. I can tell her that it was a lie, that it was said by troubled people who felt that about themselves, perhaps. But none-the-less, troubled people.

And then, I can look at the others with compassion. Holding us all in a space of compassion allows me to get into my heart instead of my mind. It is at that point that I am able to remember why I am doing this dream in the first place. I remind myself I am becoming a speaker to share my message with people who are struggling, to relay how I got through some very rocky times, and that they can also.

My people are waiting for me, just like your people are waiting for you with whatever gift you have to offer. It becomes about the other person and when it does, your thoughts are off of yourself and your terror, if it is fear which you are feeling. It becomes instead how you can be of service to another. Suddenly, confidence replaces the self-doubt, and you can move forward with your actions in the direction of your dream.

Shadows of Doubt

How do we handle self-doubt about our dream, our heart’s desire? This is, interestingly, something that has come up for me in relation to my own dream of becoming a speaker. It seems like I am going through the process of the book with you in relation to following our heart’s desire to fulfill our souls. 

Just like the image to the left, the right side of the image is like our mind when we go into self-doubt. It is filled with “stuff,” chaos, everything going which-way. On the other hand, when we are out of self-doubt, when we are confident in our endeavor, our mind is light and airy, like on the left side of the image.

How do we get to that point? We start by identifying our feelings of doubt. We need to allow them to be, without ignoring or numbing them. As we feel that feeling in the pit of our stomachs, what is going on?

For me, that was sheer terror when I felt that feeling. In looking at it further, I whittled it down again and again until I determined that what I was terrified about was having to speak without my notes, that I would forget what I was talking about, and that I was terrified I would look stupid to the audience, like I had no clue what I was talking about.

Ah, the old ego comes into play. So, I had to ask myself why I am so terrified of looking stupid and I trace it back to repeatedly being told that I WAS stupid, pretty much my entire life. When one hears such words reinforced so much, one begins to believe them.

Now I can look at myself and all the times I was told I was stupid with great compassion. I can hold that child, that adult, in my heart and wrap her with love and compassion. I can tell her that it was a lie, that it was said by troubled people who felt that about themselves, perhaps. But none-the-less, a troubled person.

And then, I can look at the other with compassion. Holding us all in a space of compassion allows me to get into my heart instead of my mind. It is at that point that I am able to remember why I am doing this dream in the first place. I remind myself I am becoming a speaker to share my message with people who are struggling, to relay how I got through rough times, and that they can also.

My people are waiting for me, just like your people are waiting for you with whatever gift you have to offer. It becomes about the other person and when it does, your thoughts are off of yourself and your terror, if it is fear which you are feeling. It becomes instead how you can be of service to another. Suddenly, confidence replaces the self-doubt, and you can move forward with your actions in the direction of your dream.

Offer of Trust

When our soul calls to us to pursue our intended purpose in this lifetime, it will speak to our heart as a dream we have. Not a dream as in when we are sleeping; rather, it will call to us as a tug at our heart strings, or a vision of a message we want to share with the world.

When this happens, we need to trust our heart’s desire, and follow where that dream leads us. We will find that as we do this, the Universe will support us by sending us the people and situations that move us closer to our dream.

Many of us, myself included, have great fear about deviating form what is familiar and established. For example, I left a nursing career of 22 years in order to get sober and to follow my dream of first becoming a photographer, then of becoming an author.

Of late, I am delving into a speaking career, speaking to audiences about how to create emotional inner peace, or peace of mind. Each time I say yes to this dream, the Universe has sent into my life the people and experiences I need to grow my business as a speaker.

I was only able to get past my fear of doing this because I feel so strongly that my intended purpose is to tell my story of transformation from a miserable and drinking person, to a sober and really joyful and peaceful one. I believe it is intended that I speak to people about that.

We each need to identify what it is that holds us back from following our heart’s desire, and become willing to risk and follow that desire. In order to do this, we allow ourselves to feel those feelings, those blocks, and we ask for courage to follow our dream. We trust that dream and we follow it where it takes us.

This brings me to the issue of trusting the Powers of the Universe, whatever you call that Power. If we trust that all will be provided for us, as long as we take action in the direction of that dream, it is amazing the things that show up in our lives.

There is a saying I have on my wall, that says, “Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bow lines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

That is my message to you today… trust in your heart’s desires and catch the trade winds in your sails. It will guide you to peace.

Birth of Awareness

Wow, I have been very negligent in blogging for the past several days. I truly apologize.

Got caught up in life and forgot to blog on some days. On the other days, I had a heck of a time figuring out what I was going to say about following your dreams in relation to sorrow and despair. They don’t seem to apply.

Because of that dilemma, I am skipping those two topics and continuing on with awareness.

This is not the same photo that is in my book, and I wanted to show you the expanded version of what IS in the book.

This photo shows more of what was surrounding me when I took it. It depicts awareness better than the other because awareness and being aware involves noticing everything that is around us, not just a portion of the whole.

There is a wonderful quote by James Thurber. “Let us not look backward in anger or forward in fear, but around us in awareness.” He is advocating looking at our surroundings in the present moment.

I take his statement to be all-inclusive of being aware not only of our physical surroundings, but our inner landscape as well. What do we see when we look inside ? What is our level of awareness of our feelings, for example, in relation to following our dreams?  Do we even KNOW our dreams, or do we need to become more aware of them?

Perhaps you do know your heart’s desire, and perhaps you are following through with that. Have you developed the awareness of your feelings in relation to that/those dream(s)? For example, my dream is to be a speaker and to share with others my messages of hope and emotional peace. I’ll talk about my feelings in a minute.

I am pretty clear on this. Are you clear on your dream(s)? If not, try some journaling with your non-dominant hand. Doing that brings forth your deepest feelings. Focus on the things that make your heart sing and see where your thoughts lead.

If you are clear on your dream, are you following through with it or are you stuck in fear and self-doubt?  In my progression with my dream, I find myself terrified, filled with self-doubt, wondering what in the world I am doing… And yet, I believe this to be my path, so I will find the courage to just move forward one step at a time.

You, too, can follow your dream(s), one step at a time. The first step is developing awareness of them. When you find your dream and follow it, you will experience peace in your heart and soul, as your dream is your intended role on this earth. That is my belief and I share it in the hopes that you do discover awareness of your dream and begin to follow it.

What are your dreams? Leave a comment letting us know your heart’s desire(s)…

Cornet of Worthlessness

Good morning. Today, we will continue through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. The next topic we come to is worthlessness.

Now that we have identified and acknowledged our fear, we can begin to look at other feelings that are keeping us from following our dream.

Perhaps, somewhere in our past lies the secret to any feelings of worthlessness we may hold. Perhaps, at one point, we were told by another that we were useless, that we had no value. Or, we have deduced that on our own.

If you were told you were worthless, let me just say, it was a lie. It is possible that whomever told you that was actually feeling it about themselves. They were feeling worthless themselves, and in their pain, lashed out in agony and frustration, spouting it to you.

The fact is, we each have importance and merit, simply because we exist on this planet. We each have value. Let me say that another way. You have value.

Everything about you has value because everything about you helps others in some way or another. When you are on top of your game and in a positive space, being of use to others, you are helping them to grow their sense of worth and value. That is being of service.

Even when you are being negative and/or hurtful to others, it can be a learning experience for the other person. They can look at your behavior as an example of how they do not wish to be in the world. This can act as a motivator to some, as they then strive to act in kindness and love to others.

There are those, however, who, when exposed to negative behavior from others, begin to believe they are useless and worthless. If that describes you, use even this as a learning experience. Look at yourself and ponder what is leading you to that conclusion. Ferret out what it is that you believe about yourself that makes you feel that worthlessness.

Then try this exercise. Think of one thing that you love to do, the one thing that makes your heart sing when you are doing it. You may or may not do it well, but time may slip away when you do it.

Consider that this one thing is your gift, something you were gifted, something you were intended to have or to be like in order to share with the world. This is your light that Spirit intends for you to gift to others, simply by doing it or being a certain way. 

Now, wear humbly that thing which you love to do, your gift, and go be of service to another. Shed your feelings of worthlessness and stop playing small. Instead, play big, as there is someone out there waiting to receive your gift. They are waiting to receive you in all of your glory and goodness.

The choice is yours. Playing big is the way to peace and playing small will keep you in misery. Which way do you choose? 

Webs of Fear

Good morning. I have been at a conference for the past four days, learning how to become a speaker. It was a dynamite workshop! I am armed with the tools to move forward with my dream of speaking to audiences about how to find peace of mind from anxiety and agitation.

Do you have a dream for your life? Are you living that dream? Chances are, if you are not living that dream, it is because of fear… fear of the unknown, fear that you are not good enough, fear to let go of the unhappy life you are living and step into a new way of being.

Just because you step into something new does not mean you have quelled all fear. For example, I am about to embark upon a new career of speaking, and I am terrified.

The terror is that I will not know what to say, that I won’t get it “right,” that my mind will go blank while I am on stage, that I will look stupid to the audience. I feel all of this and still, I press on. Why do I do that? Why do I continue to work my way toward my dream? Why don’t I allow the fear to win?

The truth is, I am allowing the fear to slow me down, allowing it to hamper my movement forward. Still, I inch forward through that fear. I will not allow it to stop me.

Through the actions I take, I will be able to move past the fear. That is not to say that the fear will be gone. Oh, no. I will continue to move forward despite the fear because I feel so strongly that I have a message intended to be shared with the world.

Because that belief is so strong, I will move forward even though I still feel fear. Will it feel uncomfortable? Most likely. Yet, I am bound and determined not to let that stop me. I will notice and acknowledge the fear, and I will gain strength and courage to move forward through it despite its presence. 

That’s the thing about fear – we can continue to move forward toward our dreams even though we feel it. It will not hurt us. What will hurt us, however, is allowing that fear to stop us in our pursuit of our dream, our happiness. If we don’t try, we will feel we have failed. We will kill our spirit if we do not pursue those dreams we hold dear to our heart. 

So, let’s take a look at our dreams, our desires, and let’s identify and acknowledge any fears that come up. Allow them to be and gently move forward anyway. When we can do this, we will feel victorious, and eventually, the fear will subside, or not. But we know we can set aside that fear and still meet our heart’s desires.

We have completed the journey through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. Before I start over with the book’s topics, I wanted to share an old post. It deals with the way in which we view the world. Is our glass half empty of half full?

I was reflecting upon a blogging class I took a while back. Specifically, I was thinking about how I rated the class with a thumbs-up of 8, instead of a full thumbs-up of 10. When asked by the presenters why that rating and not a 10, I replied that I already knew much of the information that was presented.

It’s interesting I responded in that way, as a lot of what I DID learn was new to me, and very valuable. I was rudely awakened to the fact that I looked at the experience as my glass half empty, instead of half full. Embarrassing to admit, but a valuable lesson for me to examine further, so I thought it beneficial to share it with you.

I was modeled the attitude of judgment about everything and everyone when I was growing up, and the judgment was always negative. I don’t say this to give an excuse, but to allow you to see where my default mode came from. It’s simply a fact.

So, when asked about my thoughts about the class, they automatically went to my glass being half empty, rather then half full. Darn! And I thought I had outgrown that! I certainly have worked on changing that perception over the years.

I believe this experience came up to show me how I still need to work on this issue of the glass half empty or half full. It gives me an opportunity to treat myself with gentleness and tolerance, rather than beat myself up about where I initially went… to the glass half empty.

Additionally, I get the chance to practice perseverance in changing my default to the glass half full.  Life is all about practice, after all… We can turn the other way and become defensive or intimidating about the way in which we see the world as half empty, or we can gently examine ourselves, ferreting out our negative responses when a positive one is just as easy to do.

When we look at the glass as half full, we stay in that zone of serenity and peace. Such a perspective is all it takes to help us stay in that space. It helps us to stay sober.

How do you view the world? Is your glass half empty or half full? Do you have to remind yourself of this, or is your glass always half full? Do you view the world with a positive outlook?

Promise of Peace

Ah, we have finally made it to what we have been searching for. We have made it to peace.

“When I practice the principles of love for myself and others, the gates of  my heart melt into the glow of dusk and peace rises to greet me.”

As the verse says, all we have to do is practice the principles of love for ourselves and for others. If we are kind, tolerant, gentle, compassionate, and  respectful toward all beings, including ourselves, peace will flow in.

There is a stilling of the mind and heart when we reach peace. It’s like the calm of a lake as we look out across the waters.

In order to get to peace, we have had to remain sober. We have had to work at our sobriety, learning and practicing the principles of love.

Forgiveness plays a huge role in achieving peace, for when we forgive, we free ourselves… our mind and our heart. We feel washed clean.

Do you feel more peace in your life? Like the pink glow in the sky, has peace gradually descended upon you, catching you unaware? If so, revel in this feeling. Know that it is a place to which you can return when you practice the principles of love.

Today, enjoy the feeling deep in your heart. Enjoy that quietness and stillness of spirit. My hope for you is that you know peace.

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am held in balance with great beauty and strength.” This is the verse that accompanies this image in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart A Journey of Healing.

Serenity is defined as the art or state of being serene, which is defined as un-troubled, calm, and tranquil. It is a space we find ourselves living in when we go through the process which has been presented in this blog.

When living a life of serenity, we find ourselves unruffled by calamity; instead, we are able to take things in stride. We do not become freaked out, or “wigged out” about things in our life when they go awry.

We are able to calmly assess situations and react with assuredness and certainty. Certainly, we are still concerned about difficult things that arise, but they no longer throw us off-kilter.

To get to this place of serenity, we have looked at ourselves and have begun to heal old wounds through the practice of acceptance and forgiveness.

We no longer attract to our lives the drama that we were involved in before, thus allowing us to remain serene through difficult times. Our ability to be in that space of serenity strengthens our sobriety, and the more we stay sober, the more serenity we experience. 

All of this is achieved through using the process that has been described in this blog, from the development of trust in a power greater than ourselves, to courage. Then we throw in honesty, openness, willingness, and humility, and we are able to look at ourselves through a self-appraisal, in order to discover things that need to be corrected, righted, or changed.

Once this occurs, we are able to offer kindness, gentleness, tolerance, and respect to others and to ourselves. We learn the art of forgiveness and we are set free to live our lives, fulfill our dreams. 

Today, look at how far you have come on your journey to serenity and peace. Be humble, yet commending of the actions you have taken to get to this point. Notice how your sobriety is strengthened. Enjoy your serenity today.

If we’ve stuck together through all of the stages and changes in thinking that have occurred along the way in these blogs, we have begun to see how sobriety leads to joy. We have begun to see that, if we have stayed sober, we are experiencing joy.

Joy is defined as a very good feeling, happiness, a great pleasure, delight, and anything causing such a feeling.

If joy is not happening for us, perhaps we want to examine our willingness level. Perhaps we’re stuck on a self-appraisal, or are having trouble forgiving. If so, we need to return to those topics and look again.

(I tried to supply links back to those topics, but I was not able to do it due to an uncooperative computer. Just like I am unable today to upload the image that goes with joy. Too bad, as it’s one of the best photos.)

“I never thought this could happen. My heart BURSTS with joy!”  This is the verse that accompanies the photograph of a gate’s center section, which is a diamond with rays, or bursts, of metal coming from the center, reaching upward and outward.

I never DID think I could feel this level of happiness. All my life, I had looked to others to supply it for me. Suddenly at one point in my recovery, it dawned on me that my happiness comes from inside and it is what I choose to make it. Soon after realizing this, I started experiencing joy.

Happiness and joy were the effects, the feelings that I sought from alcohol and drugs, yet, I never could find them there. So to have found them in sobriety, in much bigger levels than I ever dreamed possible, is something for which I am grateful every day.

You, too, can find this incredible joy. It come from within your being. It is a choice you make. If you are grateful for every little thing that occurs and surrounds you in your life, you cannot help but look at the world in great wonder, great awe, and from that grows joy. 

I hope for you to stay the course, to stay sober through all the rough times. It is so worth it on the other side. Once you find joy, you will know serenity and peace. 

Fulfillment of Dreams

From my experience, I have determined that, in sobriety, it is possible to live your dream that you have held in your heart forever. 

Even when not in sobriety, our dreams can come true, although we may not be grateful for them at that time. Instead, we want more than is given.

But, if we remain sober, do our healing work, and take action in the direction of our dreams, one day we just find ourselves in the middle of them. 

The key is taking action in the direction of our dream, saying yes to ourselves, and acting upon those things that come across our path to align us with that dream.

It takes courage, despite the fear we feel. It takes being self-responsible and holding ourselves accountable for our stumbles. It takes surrender to and acceptance of where we are being led.

We each, after all, have our own unique gift that we are intended to share with the world and when we align ourselves with our unique gift and stay sober, opportunities will arise for our taking. 

When we begin to see our dream coming true, our sobriety allows us to express constant gratitude, which results in abundance that further leads us on our path. You may not be sober and your dream still comes true. It will have a different feeling than if you were sober.

For example, while I was in the middle of my drinking heyday in 1995, I moved from Colorado to California to live aboard a sailboat and to go cruising one day. I did live aboard for three years, at which time I left my troubled marriage and the boat.

I had held in my heart the dream to sail since the mid-eighties. Suddenly, here I was, about to live my dream to cruise and enjoying the boating lifestyle in the meantime.

Instead of spending each day in gratitude and wonder that my dream was a reality, I was always finding fault and wanting more. More things, a nicer boat, more happiness… I could go on, but you get the idea, I’m sure.

This picture is in such sharp contrast to what I am experiencing today in sobriety. As a result of God’s grace and keeping sober, my childhood dream to become a photographer has been fulfilled. I photographed and published the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. 

Now, I am living my 1980s dream of being a speaker, empowering others to gain the serenity and peace I have found. All I am doing is taking the next indicated step that comes along my way that moves me toward my dream.

Today, get or maintain your sobriety. Reach in your heart and find your dream that is held there. Make the decision to live your dream. Gain the courage to stay sober and to take action on those things that will further your dream.

Don’t push, just let things evolve naturally. Do the things in front of you to do, day in and day out. One day, you may be surprised to find yourself living that dream. 

Fulfillment of Dreams

From my experience, I have determined that, in sobriety, it is possible to live your dream that you have held in your heart forever. 

Even when not in sobriety, our dreams can come true, although we may not be grateful for them at that time. Instead, we want more than is given.

But, if we remain sober, do our healing work, and take action in the direction of our dreams, one day we just find ourselves in the middle of them. 

The key is taking action in the direction of our dream, saying yes to ourselves, and acting upon those things that come across our path to align us with that dream.

It takes courage, despite the fear we feel. It takes being self-responsible and holding ourselves accountable for our stumbles. It takes surrender to and acceptance of where we are being led.

We each, after all, have our own unique gift that we are intended to share with the world and when we align ourselves with our unique gift and stay sober, opportunities will arise for our taking. 

When we begin to see our dream coming through, our sobriety allows us to express constant gratitude, which results in abundance that further leads us on our path. You may not be sober and your dream still comes true. It will have a different feeling than if you were sober.

For example, while I was in the middle of my drinking heyday in 1995, I moved from Colorado to California to live aboard a sailboat and to go cruising one day. I did live aboard for three years, at which time I left my troubled marriage and the boat.

I had held in my heart the dream to sail since the mid-eighties. Suddenly, here I was, about to live my dream to cruise and enjoying the boating lifestyle in the meantime.

Instead of spending each day in gratitude and wonder that my dream was a reality, I was always finding fault and wanting more. More things, a nicer boat, more happiness… I could go on, but you get the idea, I’m sure.

This picture is in such sharp contrast to what I am experiencing today in sobriety. As a result of God’s grace and keeping sober, my childhood dream to become a photographer has been fulfilled. I photographed and published the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. 

Now, I am living my 1980s dream of being a speaker, empowering others to gain the serenity and peace I have found. All I am doing is taking the next indicated step that comes along my way that moves me toward my dream.

Today, get or maintain your sobriety. Reach in your heart and find your dream that is held there. Make the decision to live your dream. Gain the courage to stay sober and to take action on those things that will further your dream.

Don’t push, just let things evolve naturally. Do the things in front of you to do, day in and day out. One day, you may be surprised to find yourself living that dream. 

Who is this woman who blogs every day on sobriety, serenity, and peace, this gate lady? How did my “previous life” propel me into what has ended up being a daily blog on these topics?

To answer my questions is to describe to you why I am passionate about blogging for you, why I am passionate about sharing words about sobriety, serenity, and peace. It involves telling you where I came from to get to the point where I am today, in these blogs. I relay this in the hopes that it will be useful information for you.

In my prior life, meaning prior to sobriety, I was tremendously unhappy, miserable, in fact. Yet, I put my bright face forward, not letting others know I was aching inside. I spent a lot of time drunk or high, in self-pity, blaming my parents and others for that misery. However, I was doing nothing to claim my own unhappiness. I just kept drinking more.

I was in a dissatisfying, dysfunctional, and verbally abusive marriage, one I was afraid to leave for fear of being alone. My now ex-hisband and I were drinking and drugging buddies, so there was no encouragement or desire to stop drinking and getting high. I stayed for 20 years.

In late 1999, I developed feelings for another man and believed he reciprocated those feelings. I left my marriage in June 2000, only to find out the man did not share my love. I was devastated. My drinking escalated as did depression. I was unable to do anything but drink and cry for two months. I was unable to function with daily activities, such as eating.

After that two months, I quit my job because I had decided to go on a road trip to “find myself.” I was barely able to perform it anyway… I left the San Francisco Bay Area to go to San Diego, stay for a couple of weeks, and “get a handle on my drinking.”

Thus began a new life for me, a life of sobriety. I had no clue what was in store for me, I just did whatever came across my path that seemed in my best interest.

Although I have experienced many situations, and much growth and healing during my sobriety, my story is really about what it’s like to show up for life, to be present and take action as a sober person, to be responsible for myself. The gates and the verses that appear in my book are a reflection of what it took to get to where I am today, a life lived in serenity and peace.

It is this background from which I come to blog my thoughts every day. It is from a space for which I was looking in drugs and alcohol. Interesting how I found that incredibly rich and vibrant space in sobriety. I know how painful it is to be struggling emotionally, and I hope my blogs are of use in your pursuit of serenity and peace.

Celebration of Choices

Once we have realized the realm of possibilities open to us, we discover the gift of choice. Like the little man in his top hat pictured to the left, we can raise our arm high and celebrate the choices that we have.

The reality is that we have a choice about everything that occurs in our lives. Even when we think we have no choice, we do.

When I was in the throes of my healing work, I thought I had no choice about my feelings of angst. The fact was, I was exercising my choice, allowing those feelings to overcome me.

At the same time, I was choosing to heal, simply because I chose to get sober, and because I chose to do the healing work.  If we are working on self-improvement, then we have made the choice to heal and to grow. Even if we’re not consciously aware of it, we have made a choice.

All choices have consequences. For example, I chose to stay in a dysfunctional marriage in which I was bullied, demeaned, and criticized continually. It took me a long time to choose to leave it behind, and even then, I wasn’t acting consciously with purpose.

The consequence of me staying in that marriage was a wounded self-image and esteem. I was accepting an assault against my being, rather than getting out and moving away from the relationship. That was a choice I was making.

When we look at the choices we are making, consider the consequences to ourselves and others. In the journey to serenity, peace, and a strong sobriety, we want to make choices that are in our highest good. Sometimes the consequences of those choices are difficult, yet, if they’re for our highest good, we will get help from our Source.

Today, look at all the choices you are making in your life. Are they in your highest good? If not, what is keeping you from making a different choice that IS in your highest good? Walk through your fears with faith and courage, and consider making a different choice. See the gift of choice that is yours, and exercise it.

Realm of Possibilities

Having experienced all that we have, we now discover that there are a wealth of possibilities in our lives that we can tap into. There is nothing to stop us, except ourselves. 

The gates are flung wide, offering us a stairway to climb that leads to serenity and peace. It leads to a stronger sobriety for us. The way is beckoning us.

All we have to do is keep climbing, taking with us the wonder and gratitude that surround us in our lives. We just keep practicing these, along with honesty, willingness, openness, compassion, kindness, and all the other positive ways to live in the world.

What we will find is a softening of out heart, our soul. As we recognize some possibilities, more will appear to us. Soon we are surrounded with possibilities in our lives.

Today, look at all the possibilities of ways to be in the world, with yourself and with others. Revel in all of these possibilities. Choose a couple to follow up on, and you will begin to feel more serenity and peace. Notice how, as you follow up on those, that more possibilities appear to you.

Visions of Gratitude

When we see things with eyes that appreciate, everything around and within us becomes more pleasing, more beautiful. Such is the case with gratitude. It becomes a way of life, whereby we are grateful for everything we have and do.

When living a life of gratitude, we begin the day by being grateful for another day, for waking up. Then we can be grateful for our sight, that we can see a myriad of colors and objects when we awake in the morning. And so forth throughout the day.

When we can live this way, our sobriety becomes easier and richer, and we are able to find serenity and peace.

But if you’re like I was in early sobriety, you are not able to be grateful. You do not see anything for which to be grateful. However, if you have followed the process we have been discussing, in the order it was presented, then you will have had a chance to look at old resentments, and hopefully, to resolve them.

With them resolved, hopefully you were able to forgive. Even if you have not gotten to the forgiveness stage, however, it is possible to see the world around you with gratitude. 

Start by making a gratitude list every morning or every evening, whichever is the time for you that writing flows. Your list will be obvious things at first, like… you are grateful for a home, food, family and friends, your job. Keep doing this every day.

Really reach within for things about which you are grateful. After a while, you may notice a change in your list. You may begin to add things like your sobriety, your belief in a power greater than yourself, the guidance you receive from that power.

You may begin to feel gratitude for things such as the expansive feelings in your heart that you feel toward others you meet in your day. You may be grateful you are an alcoholic, for it brought you to this journey of healing.

Gratitude may well up inside as you consider that your difficult past occurred so that you could heal from it and then pass your message of healing along to others, to be of use to them.

When you can live with gratitude as the foremost thing in your heart, the road becomes easier and joyful. 

Today, consider all the things for which you are grateful. Make a list of those things. Let your heart sing as you write each thing down. Really feel that gratitude as a deep feeling. If you are having difficulty with this, just start where you are and write down what you can.

Continue this as a daily practice until being grateful for the things in your life is second nature and happens easily. Feel that freeing feeling, that feeling of deep satisfaction and peace. You are experiencing gratitude as a way of life.

Moments of Wonder

In our pursuit of sobriety, serenity, and peace, living a life filled with awe and wonder will get us closer to our desired goal. It will lighten our heart, and delight our being.

All it takes is a decision to look at every little thing around us and find awe and wonder in it. For example… the star in the photograph to the left. I did not see that when I snapped the photo, nor did I see it for about nine months after that.

Then one day, I had all my gate photographs leaning up against the wall, and I was standing back, looking at them. I looked at this photo and saw the star, beaming at me from across the room.

I stopped in amazement! In that moment, I was struck with awe and wonder. Hence, the title for the image.

Since that time, I made the resolve to notice the small things around me. I do this every day, and every day, I notice something that strikes me with awe, and I feel wonder at the creation I am observing. It can be an object or another person, but I always find something about which to be in awe and wonder. 

We can all do this. As I said, it takes a decision, and then it takes slowing down each day to notice the world around us. If we start with something like a flower, we will notice its delicacy, its beauty, and we will be touched with awe and wonder. When we are, our sobriety softens and we find our way to serenity and peace. We will find that we are useful to others because we are often inspiring to them. 

Today, take the time to make the decision to look at the world around you more closely than you currently do. Make the decision to see it with awe and wonder.  Don’t you feel lighter, filled with awe and wonder? If you do this, it will help your sobriety and your journey to serenity and peace.

Path of Acceptance

Our level of acceptance is directly proportional to the amount of serenity and peace that we experience. The more we are able to accept our life, others, and ourselves as they are, the more serenity we will have. Our sobriety will be that much stronger.

I used to think that acceptance meant giving up in defeat… accepting things, but with an attitude of defeat. After a few years of sobriety, I learned that acceptance is not like that. It is a joyous action we take, a conscious choice we choose. 

When we are accepting of our lives, ourselves, and others, things flow as smoothly as the moss on the stairs in the picture above. In order to experience this, we must first become willing to accept.

How do we become willing? We reason that there is nothing we can do to change a situation, and when that thought hits home, it will then resonate with our heart.

This assumes, of course, that we have already taken action on anything we determine requires action. But we do not push. There is a fine line between taking action and pushing. Taking action will flow smoothly, like the Universe is with us. When pushing, we will run into resistance of all sorts.

After we become willing to accept situations that are beyond our control, we direct our attention to things in front of us to do, things that are our business, not another’s. We engage in our task. Then, we go to the next task, then the next, and so forth.

If we practice this enough, we will soon notice that we are graced with the ability to live in that space of acceptance. We become adept at looking at a situation, assessing our actions and behaviors as they relate to the situation, and owning anything that was unkind or disrespectful to another.

Then, we feel clean about how we responded in that situation, and we move forward to determining if there is any action to be taken to improve or complete the situation. We take that action. Then, we wait to see what happens, while turning our attention to our affairs.

The point here is that we learn how to live our lives within the larger space around us which is life happening. We center, or anchor, ourselves within the fray of our lives and we objectively acknowledge it for what it is. We start from that point to reach acceptance through the process I described above.

Today, how well do you practice acceptance in your life? Be as objective as you can while you honestly look at this. Remember, the more you can practice acceptance, the more serenity and peace you will have, and your sobriety will become easier. 

Shades of Harmony

After all the hard work we have done, after reaching a state of grace, we begin living in harmony with ourselves and others. Starting within, we begin to notice our harmonious thoughts and feelings. We recognize a oneness with ourselves.

In this space, we discover serenity and peace. Our sobriety is easier to manage. Overflowing, we project harmony onto those people surrounding us. We are being of service.

Often, we do not feel we are living in harmony because we are too busy with our day’s activities. We move from one task to the next, without stopping to pause to feel the oneness and harmony which is all around us. 

How can we change that? How can we learn to bask in the wonderful glow of harmony with ourselves and others? The key is to slow down, to take a few moments every day to just do nothing but notice all the harmony that is around and within us. 

That’s all it takes… a slowing down, a pausing to reflect and notice. Watch yourself living in harmony. Let the recognition of it bring a smile to your face.

Today, take the time to stop and notice yourself living in harmony within and with those around you. Make room for the harmony to flourish. Feel the peace that comes when you are choosing to live in harmony.

Invitation of Dialogue

“If we as individuals cannot speak to each other, how, then, can we as nations achieve peace?” This is the verse that is paired with the photograph, Invitation of Dialogue.

When I wrote this verse, I was thinking about all the times I have heard people speak to each other in gruff and unkind ways. I have always felt badly for the recipient of those  words and nasty tone of voice.

In our search for peace and sobriety, we will find that how we talk to others matters. If we are kind, considerate, and respectful, we will feel much better about ourselves and we will have much better relations with others.

We can invite wholesome conversation or dialogue if we share our thoughts with others. By thoughts, I mean things like how we are feeling, our reactions to what they have said or done.

I am not talking about merely saying hello, and asking how another is doing, although these phrases are what we will say to others when in a quick, passing encounter. Instead, I am talking about the on-going discussions we have with people that are close to us, that we see on an on-going basis. 

If we have the courage to tell someone that what they said was hurtful, for example, and why, this opens the way to a more meaningful exchange. If we do this, there is no need to act out our hurt, or to hurt another in retaliation.

Understanding on the part of the other person, with resulting compromise, can be a gift of our honesty about what we truly think and feel. This can occur if we approach the other in kindness, without lashing out. Rather, we can calmly relay our concerns.

A large part of dialogue with another is tuning into what they are all about, what they are thinking or feeling. In other words, we can get out of ourselves and our need to talk about ourselves by showing interest in the other person and their needs, wants, and desires. When we do this, we are being of service to the other person. 

Today, I invite you to share with others your true thoughts, desires and needs, without hostility. Notice the resulting dialogue that occurs from this space. Be curious about the other person, determining their wants and needs and desires. Be of service to that person with whom you are speaking. Tell me, doesn’t that feel more satisfying, more  fulfilling? Doesn’t that enhance your sobriety and lead you to peace?

Cultivation of Differences

One of the more exciting behaviors we can adopt to maintain our sobriety and bring us peace, is to cultivate the differences we find in others around us. It is exciting because we are always in a state of wonder about others when we decide to live this way. 

Just like we would with a garden, we tend to the differences we discover. We go out into the world looking for those differences, and we celebrate them when we find them. We honor others when we do this.

We start with the obvious differences… sex and color. We adopt the philosophy of “live and let live,” and we realize that “One is not more beautiful than another. Each has beauty in its own right, if we will only look… if we will only see.”

Once we discover and cultivate the differences we find in others, we can apply all the behaviors we have learned up to this point, like tolerance, respect, compassion, and kindness. We practice these principles freely.

When we do this, we will know a solidarity to our sobriety, and we will know peace. 

Today, look at the people around you and celebrate their differences. Know that their value does not detract from your own. Like the gates, “what thrives in one spot does not grow in another.” Remember that we want to cultivate the differences we find in others. Celebrate when you find these differences, as they add to the fabric of your life. 

Sweep of Grace

One of the nicest benefits of doing all the work we have been doing is the feeling of grace that we will most likely experience. “Gently, quietly, an unearned favor of great beauty and pleasure is bestowed upon me.”

That’s how grace comes to us… quietly, gently. It settles upon us like a soft cloak. Grace is a feeling of good will and is accompanied by great thoughtfulness for others. 

We know that we are feeling grace when we feel at home inside and with those around us. For me, when I feel grace, I feel a deep knowingness that all is well and right with the world.

When I feel this way, I know that God, or my Source, has and is giving me the gift of feeling good about things around and within me. I have been graced with the ability to forgive, for example.

By myself, I was unable to forgive, but with my Source’s grace and goodness, I have been able to get to that place of forgiveness, which leaves me with a feeling of goodness.

To get to grace, we need to do the work that I have outlined throughout the blog. When we do, then grace will find us. When we feel grace, we will experience great peace, and our sobriety will be enhanced a great deal. 

Today, relax and see if you are experiencing that glorious feeling of grace, where everything you do seems to flow from a place of ease and goodness. Enjoy grace as it falls upon you, gently, peacefully. 

Growth of Character

When we engage in all of the things about which I have been blogging, we cannot help but see our character growth. At least, it will be growing and we can take notice. Often, we don’t, and we don’t see our individual growth, the growth of our character.

It seems like we get so engrossed in our lives that we forget to stop and step back to see where we have been and where we are now. Undoubtedly, when we do this, we will see character growth. We will see some changes.

We will want to allow ourselves this process of looking at the “then” and the “now,” not to wallow in things, or to be smug, but to humbly offer ourselves acknowledgment for our accomplishments, and to thank Source for assistance. We want to renew and refresh our energy so that we can continue on.

What we shall most likely find is a growth of interesting character, much like what is growing on the wall of the stairway in the photo above. Like the gentle and bright lichen on the wall, our new character traits show up and rise above the darker moss that also grows on the wall. 

The lichen, our character and spirit, are lighter than the moss and we will be feeling lighter by this point in our journey. We need to allow this character growth, this spirit growth, and then we need to recognize and acknowledge it.

We use this information to be of use to others by talking about where we have been and where we are now. This gives them hope. 

And, it serves to spur us on in times of discouragement or despair. These times will most likely occur during the course of our sobriety, and we can be ready for them. It all starts with recognizing our character growth.

Today, look at how far you have come. Recall where you once were, and where you are currently. Recognize your character growth. Deeply breathe in that feeling of goodness about a job well done. Feel the more mature feel of your sobriety, and know peace. 

Practice of Tolerance

Today’s topic is practicing tolerance of others. Tolerance is the ability to recognize, respect, allow, and permit another’s values, beliefs, and practices, even if we don’t like them.

However, if one is treating us with disrespect or abuse, we do not tolerate that behavior. If that is us being disrespectful and abusive to another, we do not tolerate that behavior in ourselves; rather, we attempt to change that about ourselves.

Similarly, we do not tolerate abuse and disrespect that we dole out to ourselves, as that denigrates our spirit. We learn how to be respectful of ourselves, and we go to whatever length we need to, in order to accomplish this. We engage in such activities as journaling about it, talking to another, or seeking counseling. 

The thing about tolerance that is freeing and that adds to our sobriety and our path to peace, is that once we learn to tolerate others, we no longer feel like we have to defend ourselves and who we are. We can live and let live. 

In our practice of tolerance, we can even get to the point of finding another’s differences interesting, exciting, as we recognize the added richness those differences bring to our lives. 

We even discover that another’s differences do not diminish our own value. We no longer need to compare ourselves to others.

Today, practice the art of tolerance. Experience that gentle feeling and warmth toward others that comes when you do. If in an intolerable situation, consider moving away from it, emotionally or physically. When you practice tolerance, feel how you are freer, more settled in sobriety, on the pathway to peace.

Absence of Judgment

The obvious thing about judgment is that we want to halt our malicious judgment of others. Judging others and ourselves harshly, while denigrating the spirit, adversely affects our ability to stay sober, as well as to find peace. 

We want to find a way to cease judging others negatively. Certainly, we need to assess that we are safe in any given situation, and so we will judge others to that end. But I’m talking about judgment borne of fear, hatred. We cannot maintain our serenity when we are busily judging everyone. It is this which we want to learn to curb.

This is all very valid when it comes to the topic of judgment, yet, I wish to look at the issue of how we judge any given situation in our lives as good or bad. When we are going through a tough time, for example, we wonder why this is being done to us, why Spirit or Source is taking us through the anguish and strife.

We struggle to get through the rough times, sometimes even getting angry at Source, or denouncing It. The thing is, we can practice the principle, absence of judgment, in these situations. What do I mean by that?

To explain it, let’s start at the end. Once a difficult situation has resolved, and time has passed, we can look back and see how the incident made us stronger, or saved us from a bigger evil, or was for our highest good. We can even consider that we were given opportunities.

We begin to see how Source chose to bring us these opportunities, that without that specific incident, we wouldn’t have paid attention. Sometimes, our lessons are harder because we did not heed earlier signs that we were going down the wrong path.

Eventually, we realize that within these difficult times are gifts, as they contain lessons for our betterment. This belief helps us through those hard times because we are looking for the lesson, the gift. Knowing that when we have survived the event, we can help another through similar circumstances, gives us purpose.

Today, see if you can find a silver lining in a rough experience you have had in your life. Identify the lesson, the gift. Does that help with your sobriety, bring you peace?

Respect of Individuality

Perhaps the most kind and loving thing we can do is to show respect for individuality, both our own and another’s.

When we respect others, we promote peace and harmony in the world. When we respect ourselves, we gain emotional peace and the desire to stay sober.

“We ask of others to follow our dreams, to be like us. Why?” If you are like me, I was never celebrated for my individuality in my early years. I was compared to my siblings and found to be deficient, every time.

If we are doing that to another, we need to stop, as it kills the spirit. If we are disrespectful of ourselves and our talents, our attributes, we need to stop. It is killing our sense of purpose and our will to follow our dreams.

Instead, let’s celebrate the talents and skills and differences of each other, encouraging others and ourselves to greatness, to be unique, to be individuals.

When we do this, we will know a much richer life. And we will know more emotional freedom and peace, and will wish to stay sober to experience all of it.

Today, practice respecting the uniqueness of others, their individuality. Practice respecting your own individuality. Experience the peace.

Acknowledgment of Others

As we continue through the journey to sobriety and emotional peace, we have come to a point where we feel better about ourselves. We feel more complete and accepting of ourselves and our feelings of goodness begin to overflow to those around us. For the next few days, we will examine ways in which we can be more loving to others.

Today, we will talk about acknowledgment. On the one hand, we want to show acknowledgment to ourselves for our characteristics, our feelings, our quirks. “We go within so we can reach out to others.”

We also want to show acknowledgment to others, simply because they are human beings sharing this space we call Earth. “We reach out to others so we can go within.”

There is nothing more loving than to be walking along, passing someone, and showing them acknowledgment with a smile or a nod. It’s as if our heart is bursting with so much love that it pours forth to others, and we show them that we see them, that they matter, simply because they are another person, moving through life as best they can.

“We all want to be seen, to be noticed by those around us. We need to matter to each other, and to ourselves.” A perfect example of all wanting to be seen is the homeless person, standing on the corner of an intersection, asking for money. You have no intention of giving out money. If you’re like I used to be, you feel uncomfortable and you stare straight ahead, avoiding eye contact. 

This says to that person that they are not worthy of acknowledgement. Now, I know that some people are making a very good living standing on street corners, and there are some who have been beaten down so low, that they know no other way to reach out for help then to ask for handouts.

Either way, these people need just as much acknowledgment as the next person. I have found that it brightens up their face to say hello, to smile or nod.

We can do a lot for our sobriety and peace simply by acknowledging others. Remember, this occurs freely when we have acknowledged ourselves.

Today, take those good feelings about yourself and share with others by offering acknowledgment with a smile or a nod. Doesn’t that feel nice to do that, to connect with another in this way? Don’t you feel more at peace?

Patina of Patience

As we continue through the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we come to patience as our next topic. This, for me, was a difficult thing to master, and I still struggle with it at times.

I have had a lifetime of running so fast and forcing everything, so this idea of being patient and waiting for things to happen in their own time was foreign to me. I had to learn to be patient for everything… for results of my actions, for Source to show up with results to my actions.

I found that I needed to take an action and then turn my attention to the next indicated thing to do, the next thing that appeared on my path to do. In other words, I needed to take the action and then let go of results.

To do this, I needed patience. I developed it with a great deal of constant reminder to keep my fingers out of the affair and let Source work for me, in its own time.

Once we develop patience, allowing the Universe to work for us, not forcing results, a calmness appears in our lives. Like the patina that grows over time on the gate in the photo, there is a beautiful quality to being patient.

It becomes second nature to take action and let go of forcing a result. Try it and see how it feels for you. One key is identifying the ways in which we force things, the ways in which we are impatient. Once we can do this, then it becomes easier to remind ourselves to wait, to have patience.

When we develop the art of patience, we will discover that calmness which adds to our level of emotional peace and serenity. It will further our ability to stay sober, as we are not trying to force things all the time.

Spend some time identifying ways in which you lack patience… with yourself, with others, with situations. Try to remind yourself to be patient when you find yourself becoming impatient. Over time, it will become second nature to you, and you will discover the delightful art of patience.

Rolls of Perseverance

As we continue through the book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we come to perseverance. It is the next step in our journey to sobriety and inner peace.

If we fail at any of our attempts in the process we’ve discussed, we just keep moving forward… we persevere in our attempts. We do not beat ourselves up because we have not reached the vision of who we want to be.

Beating ourselves up and putting ourselves down for not finding success in our attempts on our first try are self-defeating. Think, rather, that we need to keep moving through any unsuccessful attempts.

Keep trying until we are successful in our endeavors. Repeat over and over, if necessary.

“I struggle to not become discouraged, or to think I am a failure, because I have not achieved in my first few attempts the vision of myself as I wish to be. Instead, I try to hold tightly to that vision, awaiting my efforts to catch up with the way I am seen by my heart.

“Through practice and perseverance, I am learning and growing.”

Whatever your endeavor, whatever you are trying to achieve in your sobriety and your path to peace, keep trying until you are successful. Think of it as learning to walk, and recall how that took continual practice and “failure.”

I put “failure” in quotes because nothing is a failure… it is just another attempt to grow and heal, to keep sober and to find peace. So keep trying until your actions and thoughts match your desires. Keep persevering.

Continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success. This is what persevering means, according to Webster. I wish you well on your efforts to become the person you wish to be. May it enhance your sobriety and help you on your journey to peace.

Ray of Hope

We have come to the point that we believe in and accept ourselves, and we have done this in part by doing a self-appraisal, a performance appraisal.

To do that, we have had to be honest, open, and willing to look at ourselves, to make changes in our lives.

On top of that, we have gained courage to move forward, and through that, have developed our ability to be humble.

We have learned how to offer forgiveness, and we have begun to feel emotional peace.

Now that we have come to all of these beliefs and realizations, we have learned to treat ourselves with compassion and kindness.

If we have made it this far, to the place that we are beginning to love ourselves and practice all the things I have mentioned, then we have begun to have hope.

We are now moving from hopelessness to hope. All of this is helping our sobriety, helping us stay sober, one day at a time.

It is my deepest wish that you are following along, and are beginning to dawn hope in your heart. That is the purpose of the links in today’s post, to remind yourself of where we have been, and to revisit any, if necessary. May you find hope in the pages.

Acceptance of Self

Now that we have learned to forgive others and ourselves, we are ready to accept ourselves, which boots our self-confidence and self-esteem. We are traveling on the path of acceptance of self.

We have completed our performance appraisal, our self-appraisal, and we are now ready to make right any wrongs we have done. We want to do this so we can feel self-confidence, self-esteem. This will help us stay sober and get to emotional peace.

Along the path of accepting ourselves so that we may experience self-confidence and esteem, we may reflect upon who we were in our early days, when we had confidence, had a positive esteem. We may have been children then; I was. At least, I glean from my pictures of the era that I was a happy child when I was about three.

And I ask you, “Have we really changed throughout the years, or do we merely hold within our heart and mind and soul the essence of who we are, while our physical form changes? Can we recapture the delightful being we have always been, as we allow and celebrate our strengths, our flaws, and our spirit?”

What if the only change we’ve experienced throughout the years is an assault on our being by others, and then by ourselves, so much so that the self-confidence and esteem we had as a child have eroded away? And what if our being is waiting for us to reclaim who we are, with great self-confidence and self-esteem? 

So, how can we begin to fulfill the wishes of our being, to stop playing small, to step into who we are at our core? We just take action. We look at what is behind our playing small, our lack of confidence and esteem. If it is old messages that denigrate us, we know that those were lies, said by a spiritually sick person. We can think differently now about those disparaging remarks.

Then we practice honesty, and look at all our traits, both positive and negative. In other words, we do a performance appraisal. We apply compassion to the negative traits, and then set them aside, knowing that we have displayed our humanness. We focus on our positive traits, and we become humble, thanking Source for all the gifts which have been bestowed upon us.

And we begin to believe that Source gave us those gifts with the intention that we share them with the world around us. That means playing small no longer will work, and we must step into our full being, with confidence and esteem. We don’t want to flaunt, and practicing humility will counter that tendency.

All we want to do is to celebrate the talents and gifts we have been given and humbly present them to the world around us. When we do this, our self-confidence and esteem will rise. Staying sober will become easier and more desirable. We will become more accepting of ourselves. We will be that much closer to emotional peace and serenity.

Today, practice stepping into all that you are. Accept who you are at your very core. Apply compassion for being human. Identify your special gifts and talents, and celebrate them with your world. Bring back that self-confidence and esteem that have been absent from your life for so long… Accept yourself at a deep level of knowingness…

Tiers of Forgiveness

We are starting today at the first tier in the forgiveness process. This is the place where we have defined why we are withholding our forgiveness and from whom. Overnight, we sat with the emotions that arose for us.

This morning, we have become willing to look at the resentment we hold against those who have wronged us because we want emotional peace and we want something different for ourselves in our sobriety, in our life.

Forgiveness is for us, not the other person. Yet, it does often benefit the other person as well. By forgiving, we are in no way condoning what occurred as right. It was not. Yet, we can get to a place of forgiveness even though that is true.

Having said all of that, let me say that there is tremendous freedom in forgiveness, and that is what allowed me to reach emotional peace in my sobriety. This is how it happened.

I was about 3 years sober and was doing a self-appraisal about my romantic relationships, looking at all the ways I contributed to their demise, being accountable where I erred. What I realized was, I would get drunk and yell at each of them how worthless they were, that they would never amount to anything.

I was appalled to remember I had said those things! I didn’t mean them. I said them because that’s how I was feeling about myself. Knowing how terrible I was feeling at that time, I started to feel compassion for that woman who was in so much pain that she lashed out at another human’s spirit, denigrating it, for that was a terrible thing to do and say.

Wow. That was powerful when I looked at it in that way, allowing compassion to come into my being. For when I saw myself with compassion, I was able to then see the person who used to yell at ME that I was worthless and would never amount to anything, with compassion for what he might have been feeling when he said those things to me.

I began to realize he was so very young and was dealing with his own wounds. I say that not to excuse his actions, but to lend some understanding to him, and especially given that I had done the very same thing. He was an emotionally and spiritually sick man, I have come to understand over the years. I feel compassion for the sick man he was, and he has changed. 

Armed with the knowledge that people do bad things, sometimes because they are emotionally and spiritually sick, I began to apply this thought and heart process to other incidences and people. I found myself getting to forgiveness, even if I had not repeated their behaviors myself. I have to say, there has never been a more freeing sensation for me, a feeling of deep peace.

With this new freedom, I had all sorts of time on my hands, time in which I was not spending my energy being angry. Ah, so suddenly, I had to become accountable, responsible, for myself, and totally. I have found that my time is freer to pursue my own heart’s desires, which has included the publication and distribution of my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. 

Most recently, because, in part, to the freedom of forgiveness, I have turned my attention to adding two new services that I offer, those being coaching and speaking. I use the book as our guide through the process I am blogging about. I am able to perform in these capacities because of the freedom I have found in forgiveness.

You, too, can find forgiveness and can soar to new heights that, up until now, you have only dreamed of. Isn’t that something you want for yourself?

Perhaps one of the most rewarding things that comes to us in sobriety, when we are able to do it, is the freedom of forgiveness. Once we are able to forgive others for their wrongs, and then forgive ourselves, we will experience deeper peace and serenity.

Tiers of Forgiveness

It has been my experience that forgiveness happens in tiers or stages, over time. Just as the baby tears which grew by this gate in this picture evolved over time and are beautiful, so can forgiveness grow over time, and is beautiful when it occurs.

How do we get to forgiveness when someone has wronged us, led us to a life of anger and resentment over those wrongs? “Ruined” us emotionally… Made our life a shambles… Is the cause of our emotional misery…

How can we let go of this seething power which has control over us, and why in the world would we even WANT to let go of it? We are, after all, justified in our indignation!

This was me when I reached sobriety. I had spent my life being resentful and miserable because of the years of physical and emotional abuse which I had endured. It had left me deeply scarred. It affected me every single day in one way or another and prevented me from having lasting emotional peace.

Everyone kept saying to me, “Get over it. Move on.” Except I couldn’t; that’s what I’d done with my drinking and drugging… tried to get over it. It didn’t work; I numbed out instead to avoid the feelings of shame, worthlessness, hopelessness, and despair. Of course, at the time, I could not name these, I just knew I was miserable – still angry, definitely not experiencing serenity and peace on a lasting basis.

Yet now, I experience serenity and peace every day. It is a place of calm from which my actions, thoughts, and emotions well. I have resolved my anger, my resentment, and have forgiven those who wronged me. That was the piece which was missing for me, which prevented me from finding emotional peace and serenity.

At this point, I need to tell you how I got to that place of forgiveness, but this piece is getting long. Instead, I will save it for tomorrow. I suggest that what we do between now and tomorrow’s post is to do some work around who or what we cannot forgive. Let’s recognize who/what we cannot forgive and clearly define why. We see what emotions surface and try to sit with them for a bit. We feel in our heart how wrong their action was.

Then we turn our attention 180 degrees. We consider how this has consumed our lives and darkly colored our life. We want something different for ourselves. We consider the possibility that we can leave this misery behind and create a new story and we become willing to hear about how. Then, we wait for tomorrow’s post which will describe how I found the freedom of forgiveness.

Curls of Kindness

“If this is not the time to be kinder and gentler to each other and to ourselves, when will it be?” This is the verse that goes with this image, and they appear next in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. 

Once we have clarified our morals, truths, and integrities, it is time to look at our actions. Do we come across to others as kind? Are we kind to ourselves? 

Showing kindness is one of the most single, powerful things we can do to promote peace. It will also benefit our sobriety, as when we are kind to others and ourselves, we know a sense of serenity.

When we show kindness, we have a good feeling about ourselves. Being kind feeds our ability to be kind to more people. And, when we show ourselves kindness, we feed our soul, we celebrate ourselves.

I don’t know about you, but when I go out in public to, say, the grocery store, I sometimes listen to parents talk to their children in a very unkind way. That denigrates their being, squashes their spirit.

Sometimes, the words that come out of our mouth are unkind, but we can always apologize for that and make an amend by being kind in the future dealings with people.

How do you display kindness to others? Do you consciously try to be kind, or do you not think about it? You might try thinking about it, as showing kindness will further your sobriety and your emotional strength.

Yesterday we talked about finding the morals, truths, and integrities that resonate with your heart. Doing this will help you find emotional strength. I suggested you write them down in a list. Interestingly, I have never done this, so I decided to do so. Today I want to share what I found when I listed these things out.

First, I went to the dictionary and looked up each of the words morals, truth, and integrity. Here’s what I found.

Moral is right or wrong in conduct, the principles of right or wrong. Here are the morals I discovered which fit for me:

1. respect and tolerance of others and self
2. kindness and compassion shown to all
3. approach all with love
4. be true to myself above all
5. promote peace

Truth is the quality of the state of being true, it is honesty, loyalty, trustworthiness, and genuineness, and it is the facts of realness. My truths that I discovered are:

1. My mission is to be of service.
2. I strive to be kind to all.
3. On a daily basis, I am a better and stronger person.
4. I am a strongly moral person.
5. I am intelligent, clever, and creative.
6. I am a deep thinker and feeler.

Integrity is defined as the ways in which I am of sound moral principle, up-right, honest, and sincere. I came up with a few ways in which I show integrity. These are:

1. I do not knowingly hurt others or myself.
2. I am honest in my dealings with others about who I am.
3. I am transparent about my struggles and my triumphs.
4. I build others up rather than tear them down.

These are the things which resonate with my heart, which advance my sobriety, and which bring me peace. They provide me with emotional strength. I am curious what you came up with and invite you to share by leaving a comment.

Pillar of Strength

“Perhaps, rather than thinking I must make my morals, truth, and integrity match another’s, I can determine what resonates with my own heart. When it does, I have the strength of a pillar.”

There is nothing quite like standing in our own light, resonating with our heart. For me, it evokes a deep knowingness and peace. It brings me emotional strength.

The first step toward gaining emotional strength is to take action. We need to add to our performance appraisal a list of our morals, our truths, and our integrities. We need to do this work… it takes action.

It takes self-confidence and courage to list out these things, and after the preceding stages through which we have been, we are more equipped with these qualities.

Once we have listed out our morals, truths, and integrities, we sift through them to determine which resonate with our heart. We know something resonates because of the deep feeling of peace and groundedness we have when we read that point on our list.

It’s difficult, at least it was for me, to separate out others’ influences while making my list. For example, during my 20 year marriage, I took on many of my husband’s characteristics and truths. They were not who I was. I took them on to keep peace. I changed who I was to get along, and in the process, I lost myself and what I stood for, what I believed in. 

I found that once I knew my morals, strengths, and integrities, there would have been no need for arguing. I could quietly have stated them, relying on my emotional strength. By the time I learned to do this, however, I had been out of the marriage and sober for about 8 years.

I also found that by being strong in what I stand for, my self-confidence and self-respect increased tremendously. I feel good about myself, which leads me to feel good about you, which allows me to treat you with great kindness and respect. See how this works when we are feeling good about ourselves? It is of benefit to others, as well as ourselves.

You, too, can gain this level of feeling confidence, respect, and peace. Start by doing an evaluation of your morals, truths, and integrities. List out all that you currently believe, as well as how you would like to believe from here-on-in. Ask your Source for help in incorporating these points into your life. Ask for the courage to live them, to be strong with them in your being. Ask for the fear of standing in who you are to be removed. 

If you encounter resistance or ridicule, bullying or criticism from others, perhaps it is time to move away from those relationships, as they are not in your best interest. Try to hang out with people who pull you up, not put your down, those who applaud your emotional strength.

When you are responsible for yourself in this way, you have less need to drown the sorrow of your own betrayal with alcohol or drugs. You will experience a great deal of freedom and self-assurance about who you are. You will know a better feeling than you get with numbing. You will have emotional strength.

Fields of Compassion

The second part of the definition of compassion states that it is sympathy or sorrow shown toward another or others. I propose that this definition be expanded to include ourselves.

Our first thought may be, “this is selfish.” But if you think about it, why shouldn’t we each have access to the same sorrow and sympathy to which others have access, when it comes to our realizations about our downfalls and the wounds behind them?

By showing ourselves compassion in this case, we allow the grieving process to begin. If we grieve about our downfalls and the wound(s) associated with it, if there is a wound, we avoid going into self-pity. Thus, we keep ourselves from playing small.

Instead, we can step into being with our humanness. In other words, we see our flaws, our errors, and we take action to correct them, to improve the traits that need improvement.

When we’re in self-pity, we cannot take action. We become paralyzed because all of our energy is going into ourselves. This is when selfishness applies. Having spent most of my life in self-pity, I can now see that it was very selfish of me and it definitely kept me playing small.

The issue of playing small is one which I just learned about in a two-day intensive workshop called Double Your Practice in 90 Days, conducted by Jesse Koren and Sharla Jacobs. This seminar is part of a series referred to as Rejuvenate Training. I had the revelation that, in regard to my efforts in marketing myself as a speaker and a coach, I am playing small, rather than standing tall in the gifts that God has given me.

One such gift is the ability to see the details within the whole picture. It is that gift which allows me to see these details about how compassion aids the journey to sobriety and peace, while holding a space for the overall desire for sobriety and peace. And I have also been given the gift of being able to articulate my thoughts in writing, and then, in speech. So, coming from the space of wanting to be useful to others, I write and I will speak.

It has been fear that has kept me from doing more than the planning stage of my new endeavors to be a speaker and a coach, kept me from making calls to schedule talks, for example. I am afraid of the attention I may get, afraid of rejection, afraid I don’t know what I’m talking about.  These are the fears which hold me back.

What can I do about it? I can apply compassion for that hurt child whose history includes the experiences which resulted in these feelings. I can experience the sorrow and grief I feel over the loss of a happy childhood. I can get angry over the rejection, the false statements.

In the end, when I’ve gone through the grieving process, I can get to a place of peace about it, a place of acceptance. And this allows me to heal, so that I can show up for myself in the world. When I can show up for myself, then I can show up for you, and I am able to become of service to you. It becomes a continual dance between showing up for each other and ourselves that is beautiful and evokes peace. So, tell me, why would showing yourself compassion be selfish?

Today, look at the list you created yesterday. Look at each way in which you feel sorry for yourself and figure out why doing that makes you small. Then trace that wound that leads you to be small, back to its origin. When you discover what that is, determine what feelings you are experiencing because of it. Apply compassion. Let yourself feel sympathy and sorrow for yourself and the person who endured the wound(s), and who experiences those feelings. 

This seems like a lengthy process. At first it may feel awkward and clumsy, and it may take time to do. With practice, it becomes easier and less time-consuming. I invite you to try it. It will further your sobriety and will contribute to your peace.

If you’re new to this blog, welcome. The goal of this site is to help you to get and stay sober, and to find inner peace. To do that, I am going through my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart : A Journey of Healing, one topic at a time, one page at a time.

My book is a tribute to the resiliency and beauty of the human spirit. Using photographs of wrought-iron gates and inspirational prose, it tells the story of my journey that occurred as I went into and through sobriety, and how I reached inner peace.

Each day, I show the image from the book, and discuss the associated topic of that photo. Occasionally, I also share the verse that goes with the image.

Today’s topic is compassion. This follows on the heels of self-appraisal, a performance appraisal, if you will. We discussed the importance of doing such an evaluation and how doing one moves us forward in our sobriety. By doing the performance appraisal daily, it helps us to eventually find peace.

We then spoke about being gentle with ourselves when we do the appraisal. Now I’d like to suggest that we also show ourselves compassion as we unearth our undesirable traits, behaviors, and actions. To any embarrassment, shame, or remorse that arises, we send compassion.

What is compassion? Webster defines it as feeling pity or sorrow for the sufferings or troubles of another, accompanied by an urge to help. It is deep sympathy. I have two comments to make about this definition.

I don’t believe people want our pity.  Sympathy, perhaps, sorrow, yes, but not pity. Interesting then, how we pity ourselves for our shortcomings, our defects, our lessor traits of character… Maybe we want to look at that so we can learn not to continue doing it, for it is self-defeating, it makes us play small. It is not becoming of one who is sober, and it will restrict our ability to find peace.

Today, as part of learning compassion, return to the performance appraisal again and include, if you didn’t already, the ways in which you feel sorry for yourself. Get really honest about this. Look at it as a fact-finding mission, one which, when compassion is applied, will help you in your journey. It is illuminating when you shine the light on these thoughts, for then you can face them and apply compassion.

Join me tomorrow for Part 2 of How to Use Compassion, as I discuss how expanding the definition of compassion to include ourselves, leads us on our journey in sobriety and finding peace.

Bed of Gentleness

Be gentle with yourself as you move forward in your sobriety. This is so very important, so listen up… We get so mired in beating ourselves up and criticizing ourselves, that we are beaten down before we even start. 

This is so self-defeating. It does nothing except put a damper on our sobriety. It makes us wrong, rather than human. Instead, be as gentle as a bed of ivy…

This is especially true for our work with our performance appraisal. As we look at our shortcomings, we want to be especially gentle with ourselves. I’m not saying we excuse ourselves from our bad behavior, but we can still be gentle with ourselves while we become responsible for ourselves.

We also need to be gentle with others, just as we are with ourselves. Be like that bed of ivy – soft, caressing, swaying in the breeze.

Remember to treat others as we would like to be treated and don’t forget to be gentle with yourself! This is necessary on our path to peace…

Search of Self

One of the most powerful tools we can use to get and stay sober is a performance appraisal. This is something we want to learn to do on an on-going, daily basis. Performing a self-appraisal will lead us to peace.

We are looking at all our curls, our shades of tan and rust, so-to-speak, as well as our shadows, our dark side. Right in the middle of it all, we will find our heart, shining brightly.

How do we do a performance appraisal? We begin by listing out our positive points, the ways in which we treat ourselves and others with kindness, tolerance, and respect.

We add to that list the things that we do well. We do this objectively and honestly, knowing that we are not bragging or flaunting our positiveness; rather, we are getting to the bottom of who we are at our core.

Next, we write down all the ways in which we have hurt others, ways we have been intolerant, unkind, disrespectful, ways we have hurt them spiritually. It takes courage to admit to these things, yet, it is necessary to illuminate our being.

Remember, we are looking for our heart that shines, like the knob in the picture above. Once we have listed out our positive and negative aspects, we want to next list out people with which we are angry or resentful, and why. Look at this list carefully. This is the key to the performance appraisal. This is the key to peace.

We look at the third list and notice what has angered us about others’ actions. Now, consider all the times we did the very same things for which we are angry. If we are honest with ourselves, I believe we will find that we have, in fact, done most or all of these things ourselves.

Once we discover this, we allow it to sink in to a very deep level. Recognize that we, as well as the other person with whom we are angry, is human, that we are displaying our humanness. We take this information and “be” with it for a while, not to beat ourselves up, but to realize that we, too, do things which are not kind, not tolerant, not respectful. We don’t like to look at these things about ourselves, yet, they are key to finding sobriety and peace.

Given this realization, we can feel our “aha!” moment. Once we realize that we do the very things we are angry at another for, we can let go of our anger with compassion for both the other person and ourselves.

There will be things for which we are angry that we have not done ourselves, such as abuse. For these, there is a way to get to forgiveness, and we will discuss that when we come to forgiveness.

With our lists, we have a good idea of who we are at a soul level. We can celebrate our positive points and resolve to do things differently to manage our negative side. To do that, we ask for help from our Source. We also talk to someone that we trust to relay what we have found so we don’t keep it bottled up inside to “stew” on.

Today, look at yourself in a new light. Take the time to conduct a performance appraisal and discover the delightful and not-so-delightful things about yourself. Use this list objectively, to improve yourself. Know that once you have looked at yourself in this new light, it is something you want to do daily to keep yourself on track.

Please pardon my lack of posting yesterday. I overslept (till 7 am) and never quite got a grasp on the day. Have you ever had days like that? Perhaps you have days like that now.

I used to have those days when I was hung over and couldn’t function until about 2 pm. Boy, am I glad I do not deal with hangovers any longer. Sober life is grand just from that fact alone…

Commitment of Journey

You, too, if you suffer from hangovers, can get past that by committing to sobriety. Even if you don’t have hangovers, you can commit to your sobriety. You can commit to the journey, for it truly is a journey.

What do I mean by committing to the journey? I mean sticking with it, remaining sober, no matter what, no matter what you are feeling or thinking. It will get difficult at times, at least it did for me. And the reward comes by staying sober.

I began experiencing feelings that had been numbed for 27 years, the length of my drinking days. They were extremely painful, so much so, that I sometimes stated that my life was better when I was drinking, that I should start drinking again.

Some grace kept me sober during those times. Perhaps it was my higher consciousness that knew it would get better, that sobriety was the last stop on the block.

What I so pleasantly discovered one day was how freeing and peaceful sobriety is. In other words, I made it to the other side of my pain and it was well worth the hell I went through.

I have found in sobriety the peace and freedom I looked for in drugs and alcohol, and never could find. I have found it living a sober life and it is ten times more spectacular than I ever could have imagined.

If you decide to commit to the journey of a sober life, it will one day be for you a place of peace and joy, gratitude and love. Know that the journey has no destination, just the continued walk past flowers and other moments. Remember to slow down and notice the little things all around you, all the buds and flowers on your path. If you commit to sobriety and its journey, may you enjoy them. I wish you the best.

Key of Willingness

Willingness is the key to our sobriety. It is behind everything… everything! Being willing to be willing will help us achieve sobriety and peace of mind. 

Behind all the things we have been talking about lies willingness. If we are willing to get sober, to be uncomfortable sometimes, and still not pick up a drink, then we have more chance of succeeding.

If we are willing to face our emotions, even the difficult ones, we improve our chances of staying sober. Willingness is behind our courage, our faith. 

If we are simply willing to consider the presence of a higher Source in our lives, we have more chance of being sober, as that Source can act to guide us.

Willingness is behind our degree of honesty. If we are willing to look at ourselves honestly and be who we are with others, then we increase our chances of staying sober.

If we are having difficulty getting willing, we pray for the willingness to be willing. It is that simple.

The thing about willingness is, it takes just a little to go a long way – just the size of a keyhole. Once we demonstrate that little bit, our Source comes to our aid and helps us expand upon it.

Willingness is something we do readily, cheerfully, and voluntarily. We consent to do something specified or implied. With this attitude, we cannot go wrong, we will not be led astray.

Today, be willing to open your heart and mind to the concept of willingness. Take action to be willing. Consciously identify and realize your level of willingness. When you become willing, your life will flow much more smoothly, you will be able to stay sober more easily, and you will find peace.

Openness of Heart

Having an open heart and mind are essential for sobriety. It is helpful for us to come at life with an attitude of wonderment, open to everything we see and hear.

Making or having a judgment about everything, thinking we know everything, is detrimental to trying to remain sober. It is contempt prior to investigation. Staying open leads to being delighted with everything that comes our way.

I used to have a pretty closed mind, thinking I knew everything there was to know about so many things. I was resistant to new ideas presented to me, always thought I knew best.

Then, when I got sober, I had to learn to practice humility, and I learned I didn’t know much about a lot of things. It was that return to humility again and again that taught me to have an open mind.

The thing that’s so cool about having an open mind is that we begin to see everything with awe and wonder. It is a place of great discovery and fun. Exposure to new things brings on a whole new dimension of richness to our lives.

Usually, an open heart follows an open mind. Perhaps this is because we protect our heart more. When we use the courage we have found and ask for help from our Source, we can get past the fear of opening our heart to let ourselves out and others in.

Do you have an open heart and mind? Where are you closed? Can you take a look at that and make a different decision about whether to have an open heart and mind? It will ease your life to have an air of openness. It will help you find inner peace.

Welds of Honesty

One of the most important practices we can use to get and stay sober is being honest. By this, I mean not only cash-register honest, but honesty about who we are.

Cash register honesty means we don’t lie, cheat, or steal. But above and beyond that, we want to be honest with ourselves and  others about who we are inside.

We will need our honesty when we reach the exercise of doing a performance self-appraisal, where we will look at the things we have done to harm others, as well as consider the things we are mad at others for. But for now, let’s focus on our positive traits.

There is a lot that is talked about regarding looking at our not-so-desireable traits, our dark side, if you will. But not much is said about considering and celebrating who we are on our positive side.

It is this that I urge us to do. We want to stop and take a deep breath. Then sit with, maybe write down, all the good things about ourselves. How were we kind to others in the recent past, tolerant, compassionate?

What are our strong qualities and traits that we want to consider? It is okay to acknowledge these to ourselves and others, as we become more honest about who we are.

We are each here for the special message we hold for others, and when we are not honest with others about our good points, we keep our value from them, thus denying them a valuable experience, maybe even a healing experience. We deny ourselves the pleasure of being of service to another.

When we look at out positive points, we do so with humility, being neither boastful nor shame-filled. We just state the facts with no emotion attached. This may be difficult for us to do, having been trained not to brag about oneself. Yet, with humility, we can avoid bragging.

Today, take the time to sit and reflect upon your good traits, the ones that make you unique, the ones that feed your soul when you are engaging in them. Once you have identified them, celebrate them. Congratulate yourself and know these are your gifts, the things that make you, you.

Know that those are your gifts that you are intended to bring to the world, and know that you cannot do that unless and until you are totally honest with others about who you are inside.

Warmth of Humility

Humility – showing a lack of pride or self-assertion, the state of being humble. Humble – being modest, not proud, showing a consciousness of one’s defects or shortcomings. When practiced, these behaviors all aid to help us stay sober.

Humiliation is not to be confused with humility. Humiliation is a drawing away in shame, to be made seen foolish and degraded. I used to mistake humiliation for humility when I became newly sober, being in great shame over who I was as a person, slinking away from others with a degraded demeanor.

Somewhere along the way, we learn that humility is a place of lightness and warmth. It is a result of us deciding to be modest, and of us giving acknowledgment and thanks to our Source for our talents and gifts.  

It is a place of “being” after having seen and acknowledged our shortcomings, having recognized the humanness of our mistakes, just as much as it is the celebration of our accomplishments. Yet, we remain right-sized about it all, neither cocky nor shameful.

When we are in this space of humility, we have an energy about us, a glow. We are not braggarts about our accomplishments. Rather, we acknowledge others for their accomplishments without mentioning ours.

Once practiced for a while, there is a pleasing quality to this. We feel good about recognizing others for their good points because we have made them feel good about themselves. We are being of service, and that feels nice.

Today, spend the day acknowledging and praising others for their good points, the things that make them special, without any mention of your own accomplishments or talents. Keep your mind totally on the other person. Practice being modest. How does that feel for you? Do you feel that glow, that warmth of humility?

Warmth of Humility

Humility – showing a lack of pride or self-assertion, the state of being humble. Humble –  being modest, not proud, showing a consciousness of ones defects or shortcomings. When practiced, these behaviors all aid to help us stay sober.

Humiliation is not to be confused with humility. Humiliation is a drawing away in shame, to be made seen foolish and degraded. I used to mistake humiliation for humility when I became newly sober, being in great shame over who I was as a person, slinking away from others with a degraded demeanor.

Somewhere along the way, we learn that humility is a place of lightness and warmth. It is a result of us deciding to be modest, and of us giving acknowledgment and thanks to our Source for our talents and gifts.  

It is a place of “being” after having seen and acknowledged our shortcomings, having recognized the humanness of our mistakes, just as much as it is the celebration of our accomplishments. Yet, we remain right-sized about it all, neither cocky nor shameful.

When we are in this space of humility, we have an energy about us, a glow. We are not braggarts about our accomplishments. Rather, we acknowledge others for their accomplishments without mentioning ours.

Once practiced for a while, there is a pleasing quality to this. We feel good about recognizing others for their good points because we have made them feel good about themselves. We are being of service, and that feels nice.

Today, spend the day acknowledging and praising others for their good points, the things that make them special, without any mention of your own accomplishments or talents. Keep your mind totally on the other person. Practice being modest. How does that feel for you? Do you feel that glow, that warmth of humility?

Spaces of Courage

It takes courage to get and stay sober. After all, when we stop numbing our feelings with alcohol, they present themselves for us to deal with, to look at, to heal from. It takes guts to hang in with it.

We can first consider that the experiences we will have are for the development of our soul, our consciousness, and for our healing. We have taken the step to become sober, and hopefully have committed to seeing ourselves through the tough times. Rely on your Source.

Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations With God, says of the experiences that greet us: “One thing we do know. Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having in this moment.”

Rather than drown out the pain that arises, or give it to another to solve for us, recognize that it is for our higher good, for our evolution to much bigger and more freeing things.

So how do we find the courage to stick with it, to remain sober, when we are desperately grappling for a hand hold, while our emotions are all over the map? As I mentioned above, we turn to our Source and ask for help through any difficulty.

We turn over our emotional pain to that Source, asking it to join us in a sacred space of healing. We will find the courage to continue. Know that your emotional status will improve, it will get easier and will improve.

Another thing to do is to be with our pain and apply compassion to it. We show ourselves compassion, kindness, and we speak gently to ourselves. We ask for courage and it will come if we are open to it.

This may sound frightening to some, dealing with emotional issues. Try not to allow this to prevent you from trying sobriety, for sober living is an amazingly beautiful way to live. As one who is on the other side of that emotional pain, I can truly say that the difficulty was worth what lies ahead. 

Have faith, have courage. Be willing to explore what lies ahead for you. Know that it is for your highest good, and you shall make it through the hard times. I wish you spaces of courage through the tough times. Remember, we are on a journey to peace. 

Shadows of Doubt

If you’re anything like I was, you will have some serious doubt as to the existence of Source. You will have some serious doubt about whether sobriety is worth it. You will want to start drinking because the stuff that surfaces is just not worth dealing with. It’s too painful and the anguish you feel is not justified.

Oh, I’ve been there many times, believe me. I used to go around yelling that sobriety wasn’t worth it, just wasn’t worth what I was feeling, this huge pain from old wounds. It was unbearable and my life was better when I was drinking! Far better!

There are two things about that. The first is that I was forgetting that I was vastly unhappy when I was drinking, and, in fact, drank because I was so unhappy. I was unhappy at a soul level and knew deeply that my life was not right.

The other thing to say is that what I later discovered in sobriety was the peace and joy I looked for in drugs and alcohol, only what I found is a thousand times better than I ever could have imagined. And that’s how worth it, it is to stick with sobriety, no matter what comes up for you emotionally.

Take a look at this picture for a minute. What do you see? What feelings are evoked when you look at the side with the shadows and then you look at the side where there are no shadows? I can tell you that when I look at the side with the shadows, I get a feeling of frenzy, disorganization, chaos. It’s just too much for me with the lines and circles together.

On the other hand, when I look at that side that’s through the gate, the side that’s bathed in light, I see calm, I see smoothness. I see relief. But I have had to go through the chaos, the frenzy, the gate, to get to the other side where my heart is bathed in light.

Look at it this way… As the sun changes its position, the shadows will disappear and the right side of the gate will also be calm. Our souls are like the changing sun… As we make changes in our lives, time will pass, and just as the right side became calm over time, so will the part of us that is currently chaotic and frenzied.

Rats, I was trying to keep this a short post after mine yesterday, which was somewhat lengthy. Now I see I am at 400 words, and I was shooting for 300. If you’ve stuck with me, I hope it is worth it for you.

The point is, it is well worth keeping with sobriety through all the strife. At least, that has been my experience. It is the best thing I have ever done with my life, this keeping sober stuff – the best thing ever. I hope you choose to dance with sobriety.

Offer of Trust

As we move forward in our journey into sobriety and my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we come to the topic of trust. Remember, we are in search of ways to get and stay sober, and to find peace.

Of paramount importance in the journey to and through sobriety, or simply through life, is a trust in Source, or the power of the Universe, or God, or whatever we call that force in the world which guides us, offers us solace, offers us opportunities. This force will take a front seat in our journey, and it will become our companion, our confidant.

This is necessary because when we have difficulty, and want to drink, we can call upon this Source to help us, and it will! It’s the most amazing thing! I came into sobriety just having read the book “Conversations With God” by Neale Donald Walsch, and I was smitten with the idea of God. I believed He was everywhere, in everyone, in me.

This became very important to me when the feelings of my emotions began to surface without alcohol or drugs to numb them, and it was this belief to which I turned to help keep me sober, to lessen the emotional pain I experienced. I got relief, and I was able to keep from drinking, so I kept believing.

But I lost trust as the hurts and pains of my old wounds surfaced in years two and three of sobriety, leading me to feel that God could not be trusted, that I still had to “watch my back.” This lack of trust went on for some time. Even so, some force graciously helped me stay sober, and I thanked that force daily.

At one point, my spiritual advisor suggested I notice every time something good happened in my life that I had not arranged, had not orchestrated. Something that was for my better good, or that fulfilled a piece of my dream. I did what was suggested and started noticing.

Sure enough, little things kept happening that furthered my dreams to become a photographer. Opportunities began to present themselves that I knew nothing about until they showed up. I began to make gains and strides in my healing work.

I finally made the choice to believe there was some guiding force that was grander than me, that would guide me through the maze of life -my emotions, my dreams, my challenges. That force comes to me in small voices in my head, telling me a certain course of action to take, being my conscience, guiding me when I listen to it.

The point is, we need to make the choice to believe in a force greater than ourselves to help us stay sober. We do not need to do this alone any more. It is safe to ask for help. There are people waiting for us with out-stretched arms, ones who have done it before and are guiding us. These people show up in our lives at just the right time, as if sent by Source.

It is my deepest hope to be considered by you as one of those people with out-stretched arms, guiding you through the process I took to stay sober and find peace. I share my story here to be of use to those of you still suffering, whether with an alcohol or drug problem or just plain emotional turmoil not complicated with substance abuse. May you find something in my words to further your journey in a positive manner. 

Birth of Awareness

Once we have cleared the energy by our surrender, we are able to develop awareness. Awareness has to do with what we notice around and within us. 

We walk through the gates of our sorrow, our despair, to reach our passions and desires. We look through the gate and focus our attention on the lushness we see on the other side and we decide to walk through the gate.

Why do we do this – develop awareness? We decide to develop our awareness of all that is around and within us – all the glory, the beauty, the peace to be had – because we know we want to be in that space, that we can further our sobriety from the place of peace and awareness.

How do we get to awareness? We first surrender, then begin to notice the little things around us in our physical world. We pay keen attention to the flowers, the lushness of life, that abounds all around us. Again and again, we bring our attention to what is right in front of us, to the feelings we have in our heart.

Once we have decided to walk through the gates of our fear and sorrow, our despair and worthlessness, this brings us the energy we need to focus on things around us, as we discussed above.

Birth of Awareness - proposed image

After noticing the physical world around us, we then turn our attention inside, and we notice all the things about ourselves that are delightful, that make us the unique being that we are. We begin to show our appreciation for what makes us this divine and beautiful being. 

When we look with awareness, we discover the possibilities for a different life, for a peaceful and sober life, and we want this. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy… wanting more awareness, clearing the space for it, and seeing with clearer eyes and heart.

Are you able to get to that place of awareness where you can focus on your world, both outer and inner? What helps you get to that place? What hinders you? How can you do things differently to increase your awareness?

In the discovery of all that exists beyond the gate, which photo do you think speaks more clearly – the current image, or the proposed one? Your feedback is most appreciated.

Surrender of Pretense

Our next topic on the road to sobriety is surrender. This is a very important step in the process.

What do I mean by surrender? I mean giving up the fight, giving up the pretense that all is find behind our false bravado and politeness. We need to step forth and let people know and see who we really are.

We need to give up trying to maintain as if everything is fine, when it is not. It is safe to show our vulnerability around certain people. Choose the people you open up to wisely, making sure they will not verbally abuse you with the information you give them about your thoughts and feelings.

When we give up, it is a surrendering, not in defeat, but in calmness, looking forward with an air of excitement to better times. Our goals are to become and remain sober and to find peace. 

How do we surrender? We just give up. We just say to ourselves that we no longer wish to fake it, when we’re dying on the inside.

We will wish to surrender initially to get sober, and then we will no doubt have to surrender again and again as we maintain our sobriety. We will need to give up our need to control and manage our emotions, our thoughts, our behaviors. Remember, we are giving in to the need and desire to become sober and doing whatever we need for that to happen.

What does surrender look like for you? Are you able to give up the pretense that all is fine behind your false bravado and politeness? I hope you can join us in surrender. It is the first step into a life of wonder and awe.

Face of Despair

Perhaps the hardest thing we have to do in sobriety is to overcome despair. It is a most debilitating feeling, and if we are “down” enough, we might be feeling this despair.

Despair is a loss of hope. To be without hope is devastating, a bleakness beyond belief. Often, we drink heavily over our despair, and this only serves to compound it. 

The sound of despair is that of a wail, a keening. If you have ever been there, then you know what I’m talking about. Have you ever been there? Are you there now?

If you are there now, there are things to do which may be helpful. At least, they helped me to dispel my despair.

The first thing to do is to stay sober, no matter what, no matter how difficult the feeling of despair becomes. Then, what worked for me was journaling about those feelings. Brisk walks several times a day also helped, but often, we don’t have the energy for this.

It pays to understand why we are in despair, and that is what journaling can help to uncover. It also helps to get professional help from a therapist. At least, those actions worked for me.

But the thing that helped the most with my despair, was to discover that my life had a purpose. Once I discovered that purpose, my despair went away and it has not returned. For me, discovering that I could help others by telling my story, combatted my despair. I discovered that my life of misery and woe and hardship was worthwhile because it could be of use to others.

Try to discover the purpose of your life. Do some journaling about it and see if something comes up about your purpose in life. Perhaps it is to share your art, or your words with the world. Or maybe your gift is to cook.

Whatever your gift is, find the one thing that makes you of service to others, the one thing you can bring to others to make their lives better. When you can figure this out, then you can overcome despair because you are being of use to another and that is a divine feeling, a divine purpose. You feel complete when you are being of service to others.

 What is your gift that you can bring to others? How can you be of service in the world? When you figure this out, see if that doesn’t begin to rid you of hopelessness, of despair.

Agony of Sorrow

Sorrow refers to the deep, often long-continued mental anguish caused by a sense of loss or disappointment. Grief implies a more painfully intense anguish, usually of shorter duration. Whether our grief and sorrow are of short or long duration, when we get sober, we must first deal with the loss of our friend alcohol. 

We have a, hopefully, brief period of mourning the loss of our familiar life. My sorrow and grief over the loss of alcohol in my life was pretty short, because I was thrilled with the lack of hangovers I experienced.

You see, for seven years prior to my quitting, I drank myself into oblivion every night, and the hangovers from that were horribly difficult. So, to not be experiencing hangovers was freedom.

We also will find ourselves possibly mourning the loss of friends we had during our drinking and partying days. Often, we have to give up these friends because to be around them is too tempting to us… we may want to pick up a drink. At the very least, we may need to take a vacation from them until we establish our sobriety.

Then, as we continue along our course of sobriety, we look at our history, our wounds and scars from earlier days. For me, this meant looking at my childhood. I found myself experiencing grief and sorrow over the fact that I never had a happy childhood. I had to grieve that loss before I could move through my sorrow.

It is an agonizing feeling, sorrow is – searing in quality. We are tempted to ignore it or shut it out, but we must feel it to continue along our course of sober living.  To repress it will only prolong our recovery and may even lead us back to the drink. I found that journaling helped me to deal with the sorrow I experienced.

When we have dealt with our sorrow, we are ready to move on to other emotions. And, sorrow may not hit us until we have been sober for a while.  In that case, we are prepared when it comes.

What is your sorrow about? Have you taken the time to acknowledge it, to really feel it? Allow yourself to do that and your sobriety will be stronger. You will be stronger.

Corner of Worthlessness

The beginning of the book deals with four difficult emotions, the next one being worthlessness. For me, this was a feeling that I was about as good as a pile of debris in a corner, just like in the photo to the left.

It was one of the things I drank over, heavily, not only because of the bad feelings, but because of my resentment at the person who called me worthless so frequently. I was looking to drown or numb the sting of the feelings of worthlessness – the pain of hearing it, thinking it, living it. 

I did not know how to rid myself of these feelings, so I drank. It was a vicious circle… I drank cause I felt worthless and wanted to feel better, and then I felt not only worse, but depressed, as well.  It wasn’t until I discovered my life’s purpose that this all changed.

It also wasn’t until I had been sober for a few years that my feelings of worthlessness diminished. I won’t pretend to tell you the feelings disappeared overnight… they didn’t. Rather, it was 5 years into sobriety and I was still having difficulty with these feelings. Then, a miracle happened. Here’s how it played out…

I felt worthless and great despair over the fact that the pain of my upbringing was for no good purpose except to bring me down, to lead me to failure. I saw no purpose to my life and prayed to God to let me die because I was too afraid of committing suicide.

Then, one day I was at a support group and I listened to a man share about his pain, which was very similar to the pain of things I had dealt with and healed from. So I went to talk to him, and was able to relay books to read and even gave him my therapist’s name and number.

He was so grateful, he cried. As I walked to my car, I realized that my history had been of use to this guy. If I had not experienced it and suffered as I had, I wouldn’t have done healing work, and I wouldn’t have known resources to give to this man. Suddenly, I saw my difficult and painful childhood as a benefit, a plus.

In that instant, I realized my life’s purpose was to relay to others in emotional pain the information I have gained along the way in my healing process. I had a purpose, my life had a purpose! The feelings of worthlessness and despair lifted and were resolved right then and there! Yes, worthlessness creeps in there occasionally, but I am able to dispel it quickly, and to regain my sense of worth.

Do you have feelings of worthlessness over which you drink? Have you thought that your worth lies in the help and service you can give and be to others? Think about it, for there is a lot of merit in the thought that your life has had a specific purpose all along… that of healing from your wounds so you can help others heal from similar ones. Does that help with your feelings of worthlessness? I hope so…

What will life look like once I am sober? That is the question we will address today in Fear of Sobriety – Part 3. This was my second concern after “how will I ever live without alcohol in my life…”

The thing is, I didn’t know what life was going to look like but I took that leap into sobriety anyway. I had to, or die. What started happening was that situations and opportunities came into my life, and I took action on those things. 

For example, after my emotional meltdown for two months, the idea came to me to go on a road trip and to start with San Diego, where a girlfriend was living and trying to get sober. I quit my nursing job so I was available to leave, and I constructed my car with drawers and shelves in the back seat, readying it for my road trip.

When I got to San Diego, the opportunity presented itself to start going to a support group to deal with quitting drinking, and I followed up on that opportunity. That decision was to be the formation of my ability to live as a sober person, heal, and find peace.

Home for Three Years

When I had the thought to buy a full-sized camper van, gut it, and rebuild it with cherrywood, I followed up on that thought, using my God-given skills to do so. That van became my home for the next three years, as I walked through sobriety and the healing process. It was a safe haven in which to do the emotional work I needed to do.

The point is, we never know in what direction we will be pointed. I found I was always pointed in the direction of an interest of mine or a skill I had. I was steered away from nursing, and I believed resuming my nursing career would jeopardize my sobriety too much.

In the end, I was guided to a small mobile home, for which I was able to borrow funds to purchase, and I currently am working to build my speaking and coaching careers. All of this, after publishing the book I wrote over a time period of about eight years.

And I love my life, even though I had no idea it would turn in the direction it has. I just trusted the Universe and where I was being guided, and I took action on what came across my path that resonated with my heart. 

We don’t know what our lives will look like when we get sober. We just trust and we become willing to follow where we are being guided. As far as living without a drink, that has been glorious and I have been graced with the lack of desire for alcohol in my life.

You, too, can take that leap into the unknown, and can consider what results as a series of exciting opportunities which present themselves, upon which you can act. Hopefully, this takes the fear of out wondering what your life will look like if you quit drinking.

I spoke yesterday about some of the issues around fear of sobriety. I want to talk about two questions a little bit, that I had on my mind when it came to thinking about quitting drinking.

What will life look like now? How in the world can I live without alcohol in my life?

These questions came to me in response to an email I received last evening from a close friend. She read yesterday’s blog and raised the point that she had never thought that someone could be afraid of sobriety. My response to her was, ohhhh, yeah. It’s scary, at least it was for me.

The two questions above address the greatest fears I had about sobriety, so let me jump in. The first concern for me was “how can I live without alcohol in my life???” I mean, EVERYTHING I did in my marriage and soon after involved daily drinking, and drinking myself into oblivion at night for the past seven years. I could not fathom what I would do without liquor in my life. For 27 years, it had been a close companion.

But my emotional pain got the better of me in response to an unrequited love. I drank and cried over my devastation for two months, unable to care for myself. Something told me I would die if I didn’t quit. I had tried not to drink, but was not able to do that on my own. Now I was pushed over my edge to an all-time emotional bottom. So, I had no choice. I had to live with no alcohol in my life.

Besides, I’d been having sharp pain in the area of my liver for over a year. The point is, I knew I was done. Perhaps you can relate to that. What I discovered was that life without severe and debilitating hangovers was very pleasant. In future weeks and months and years of sobriety, I learned  and gained freedom.

Was it easy? No. I had acute emotional problems for the first several years over that unrequited love. But I knew I loved the lack of hangovers and that I might die if I started again, so I hung in there. I also developed the willingness to stay sober, even if it got uncomfortable. And the result was the best and most rewarding work I have done in my life.

At any rate, what we’re here to do on this go-around of going through my book, is to relay to you what the process of getting and staying sober, becoming whole, has looked like for me.

This post is much longer than I wanted it to be, so I think I’ll answer the other question tomorrow. Come back for a discussion of “what will life look like after I quit?”

I want to wrap up by letting you know I feel as if I was promoting sobriety yesterday. That was not my intent. It’s just that I get so excited about what I have gained in my life as a result of it, that I get carried away sometimes. Please pardon any irritation my words may have caused.

Webs of Fear

Today, we will begin a new journey through my book Openiing the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. We will be going through the process I went through to reach peace in sobriety.

It takes some guts… getting past the fear of sobriety. If you’re like I was, I knew at a deep level that I had a drinking problem, that what others were saying to me about needing to quit was true. But I was terrified of life without my best friend.

Fear… False Evidence Appearing Real. F-word Everything And Run. Both were me, and especially the latter. My drinking was an escape, a numbing out of all the pain I had experienced in my life… the rejections, the belittlement, being told I was worthless, and on and on…

Of course, I didn’t know at the time that I was numbing out. I had to be sober for quite some time before I realized that. The thing about getting sober and living without alcohol and drugs in my life is that it is a beautiful and peaceful way to live, once the healing occurs. Yes, I still experience fear, but it is something I can recognize and deal with.

The advantage to being sober is, I can feel the fear, and move forward anyway. I can choose to see that the fear is false evidence appearing real, gain the courage and take action. Fear is a natural reaction to many situations, and once we establish that the fear is not telling us we are in danger, we can move forward.

So, what are your fears of getting sober? Living the rest of your life without alcohol and drugs? Remember, it’s just one day at a time. You only have to live without alcohol one day at a time. After some time, the days just accumulate, you have completed healing work, and life looks pretty grand.

To get past the fear, think of it as a life style change of great beauty. Going from many situations in your life that are unmanageable to a life of peace, without all the headaches, without the hang overs, without the arguments, is something to experience.

Be willing to move past the fear, for it surely is nice on the other side. Join me, if you care to. You will be pleased. You will enjoy getting past the fear of sobriety.

Good morning. We have finished the topics in the book and I shall be starting over again tomorrow with fear. I plan to speak to the issues from the perspective that I experienced as an alcoholic getting and remaining sober. Even if you do not have a drinking problem, you may still find the posts revealing.

Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing

Today, before we continue, I’d like to make special note of my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. If you have followed the blog, then you know that each post discussed a topic from the book, in the order in which they appear in the book. It was my process of going from great fear, terror, and shame, to joy and inner peace.

This book is a tribute to the resiliency and beauty of the human spirit, as you have seen through my daily, evolving blogs. If you liked what you have read in the blogs, and have liked the images and verses, then you will love to have this book in your home or office.

Read in its entirety, it is a pathway to peace. Read one verse at a time, it is a daily meditation guide.  Again, if you like my blog, you will enjoy having the book nearby. Humbly, I offer my book to be of service to you, my loyal readers.

To that end, I would like to let you know that the book is for sale through my website. I am reducing the price from $29.95 plus shipping and tax for California residents, to $25.00,which now includes shipping by media mail, and tax for California residents. Order your copy today at this new rate.

That change will be reflected on the website in the next day or two, so please keep an eye out for it. As always, I will sign the book specifically for you or whomever you tell me to sign it for. It is a great deal; the book is a wonderful coffee table book or gift for that special person in your life who is struggling, or even not struggling. So click on “buy the book” and order a copy today. 

Join me tomorrow as we delve into the fear of quitting drinking and where that took me in my life.

Balance of Serenity

“I am serene, carried by the winds to places where I am help in balance with great beauty and strength.”

This is how we will be feeling by the time we get to this point… serene… a feeling of tranquility, of calmness. Webster goes on to define serene as not disturbed or troubled.

Once we arrive here, we will be able to maintain a deep peace, as well as a devout and reverent sobriety. 

All of the trials and tribulations we have been through to get here will seem like eons ago, and they will be a pleasing memory. It will feel as if our difficulties were worth it to get to this point of serenity.

Like the spires, the metal, and the tree branches in the picture,we are in perfect balance when we are serene. It has taken us a lot of work to get to this point and we are grateful to be here.

Life will happen, as always, but our feathers will not get ruffled as they once did. We will have the ability to hear disturbing news without freaking out. We will be able to remain more present for such news so that we can take appropriate action. 

We will feel more serene about who we are as beings, recognizing that we are human and, therefore, fallible, while we understand and humbly applaud our strengths, thanking the power that is greater than us for these gifts.

Today, reflect upon your journey, about what has led you to this point. Are you feeling serene? If so, isn’t it a beautiful feeling? If not, you may wish to review the stages of the journey through which we walked. Whichever way it is for you,show gratitude for the path you are on, and keep moving forward on your journey. 

Promise of Peace

We finally have reached peace. It is the culmination of everything we have learned up to this point. It is promised to us when we practice the principles of love that we have been discussing all along.

When we practice the principles of love for ourselves and others, the gates of our heart melt into the glow of dusk and peace rises to greet us.

This is the promise of peace. Do you feel it? Have you come along the path, the journey, and found it? Do you feel the gentleness of it as it brushes your heart? Do you find it easier to maintain sobriety now that you have peace?

Take a moment and write down your thoughts… have you found peace through this journey? Let us know what that is like for you. Please share with us.

Joy is defined as a very glad feeling, happiness, great pleasure, or delight. We may find that after going through the stages we have been discussing that joy is a constant companion. It is one of the most exciting gifts of the journey. I have found that to be true, and it is exhilarating.

Burst of Joy

“I pick up the thread, however fragile, of finding inner peace. As I do this, it leads to furthering my self-knowledge, my journey to peace of mind and freedom of heart.

“I never thought this could happen. My heart bursts with joy!”

We may come to a point in our lives that we feel we are up against a wall, that our lives will get no better and that we will always be in despair, or wherever it is that we go when we are down.

Therefore, when we find ourselves on the other side of that, joy comes as a surprise and we are thrilled! It is truly a satisfying and welcomed feeling.

Perhaps, we need a moment to reflect where we have been and where we have arrived in the present, and then we can rejoice, we can burst with joy ourselves. It goes hand-in-hand with peace, which we are about to experience, and it definitely aids in our ability to have a happy sobriety.

Today, think about where you started emotionally and where you are now, and revel in the feeling of great pleasure, of joy. Bask in that for the day.

Fulfillment of Dreams

“I am waking up from a lifetime of sleeping and am just beginning to learn to play, to fill my sails and dance across the shimmering waters.

“I am fulfilling dreams I have held in my heart forever that I did not know and, so, could not follow.”

Is this you? Are you awakening so much that you are now fulfilling your dreams? How is that for you? If you’re like me, it is awesome, soothing, satisfying, peace-evoking.

I held the desire to be a photographer when I was younger, but I gave up on that dream when I tried it in the mid-70s and was unsuccessful.

I guess there was a part of me that held that desire, and when the opportunity presented itself 34 years later, I merely followed where I was being led. I took action to feed my passion… photography, and soon I had a body, a collection, of wrought-iron gate photographs.

Before I knew it, I was writing a book of photos and verses which I later published. I sold my framed fine-art photography. I was not successful enough selling my photography or my book to support myself, but I was doing my dream. I felt fulfilled and rewarded because I tried; I followed my dream.

We don’t follow our dreams, perhaps because we think they are far-fetched. Mostly, I suspect we get into fear. Remember, fear is an acronym for false evidence appearing real. Yes, it’s scary, so find the courage and do it anyway. Try it. The success is in overcoming any obstacle and having tried to fulfill your dreams.

The feeling we will have when we fulfill our dreams is tremendous. Whether you become famous is not the issue; having overcome the fear to try, is the measure of success. 

What do you dream about doing in your most secret spaces? In your most sacred moments? Hold that dream in your heart. Be open to things as they come across your path that move you toward that dream. Take action when the opportunity arrives. The most important things to do are to remain open to your dream, to hold them in your heart, and to take action when they arise.

Don’t sit around, waiting for that special action to take… go about your life, your routine. That is not how it works. Do the next thing that presents itself to you, and the next, and then the next. One day, you may find that these steps have allowed you to fulfill your dreams.

Celebration of Choices

“I see a little man with his top hat, arm raised above his shoulder in salute. He celebrates his recent discovery… he has choices in his life.

“It is freeing to learn one can choose at any point. Ah, cause for celebration!”

I never thought I had choices about my life and my actions, my feelings, my mood. For me, all those things were totally overshadowed with childhood wounds that I could not get past to see that I could choose to act and react differently. 

I spent a great deal of my life blaming others for my misery and I wallowed in self-pity. Then I learned the practice of doing a self-appraisal and I soon realized that I was not taking responsibility for myself. Not fully… not even at all.

I learned that it was my job to heal from my wounds, that we all have wounds. I was not unique. I discovered that by getting sober and seeking therapy services, I was taking more responsibility for myself. I was exercising my choice.

You see, we all have a choice about everything we do, right down to our attitude, and once we make a choice, we need to be willing to accept the consequences that go along with that choice.

In our example, I chose not to accept responsibility for my own healing, to blame others, and the consequence for that was severe depression, despair, strained relationships, poor self-esteem, and so forth. When I hit my emotional alcoholic bottom, I was forced to make a change, or die. I chose to live.

I could have chosen to continue blaming others. Had I done that, I have no doubt I’d be dead now through the use of alcohol or at my own hands.

Realizing we have choice is a powerful place to be.  We can get out of those relationships that are toxic and damaging to our souls, our spirits. Or, we can stay and continue to accept abuse. Yes, there is fear, even terror, at the thought of being on our own, but that is a consequence of making a choice that, in the long run, is better for our being.

Today, look at the choice you have in your life; recognize that it applies to so many areas of your life. You have the responsibility to make changes if you are not satisfied; it is your choice. It is your job to initiate or seek help if you’re in a bad relationship, for example. Leaving is not the only option. Just recognize that life is a series of choice, one after another. You will be amazed at the peace that brings into your life. 

Realm of Possibilities

“If I climb the steps, anything is possible. Anything.”

This is the photo that appears on the cover of my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. It is representative of the many possibilities available to us if we climb the steps.

And what are the steps we are to climb? All of the things we have been discussing in this blog… first surrender, then awareness of the world around us. We next climb the step into trust of a power greater than us, which leads us to courage and humility. 

With honesty, openness, and willingness, we have the keys to continue up the stairway and we commit to our journey. We conduct a self-appraisal to discover our strengths and our weaknesses, doing so with gentleness and compassion.

These are things which we show for others around us, and we add in kindness. Once we have learned how to show compassion for ourselves and others, we are led to forgiveness, also of ourselves and others. We finally are able to accept ourselves and our lives as they are, and we feel hope. 

We persevere with patience, while we respect and acknowledge others. We treat them without judgment, and we engage in dialogue with them. When we do all of these things, we will experience grace and wonder. Throw into the mix a lot of gratitude, and the world is our oyster. We are prepared to do anything, as we will have grown stronger.

If we do all these things, we will discover when we get to the top of the stairs, that there are vast numbers of possibilities available to us. All we have to do is quietly take note. We can begin to bask in peace and our sobriety will be easier to maintain.

Today, while you practice all the principles of living we have discussed, find yourself at the top of the stairs and see how many possibilities there are for you. You will be delighted with the choices you have.

There is much to say about the power of gratitude. Gratitude can take us from a deep, dark place to one one of light and happiness. 

Visions of Gratitude

“When seen with eyes and heart that appreciate, everything in and around me becomes more pleasing, more beautiful.”

Such is the verse that accompanies this image in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. We are moving through the book, one topic at a time, and our goal is to reach peace and maintain sobriety.

When we’re in a low spot, the last thing we want to do is be thankful for anything, because we do not feel there is anything for which to be thankful. Yet, adopting an attitude of gratitude can pull us out of that funk.

We can start easily and small, meaning, we pick some stable things in our life for which we can be grateful… a home in which to live, food to eat.

If we don’t have these, and even if we do, we can be grateful every morning that we wake up and can see around us, can see a myriad of colors. We can be grateful for the use of our body, that we can get out of bed and walk, or propel ourselves.

That is one way to start the day. Certainly, as we start the day, we also want to show gratitude for our sobriety and the power of the Universe that helps us to stay sober.

Every little thing that happens to us throughout the day can have gratitude applied… making it to the grocery store safely, having money to buy groceries in the first place, and so forth.

If we are having trouble identifying things for which to show gratitude, we can start by sitting down and making a gratitude list. This is hard to do sometimes, yet it yields tremendous results over time. We start by listing ten things about us and our lives for which we are grateful. Then, we just sit with that and repeatedly express gratitude for those ten things.

The next day we do the same, and then the next, and then the next after that. Every day, we write down a gratitude list and we reflect on that list. Over time, we soften to the things for which we are grateful and we begin to see other things in our lives to add to the list.

Given time, finding things for which to be grateful comes automatically and we begin to be able to expand our list. We will find ourselves looking for the silver lining in the cloud of that bad experience  so we can express our gratitude. It does not happen overnight, but eventually, we will see everything with the eyes of appreciation and we will want to continue this because it feels so good inside.

Today, find three things for which you can express gratitude, and repeat that tomorrow. Then, start writing down ten things you find that you are grateful for. It could be as simple as the pictures on the wall which bring you peace and joy, or as complex as gratitude for that unrequited love that pried you out of a verbally abusive marriage and led you to sobriety.

Soon, you will live a life with an attitude of gratitude, and this, more than anything, will lead you to peace and help to keep you sober. Gratitude is a powerful tool at our disposal, at least, I have found it to be so.

Good morning, good afternoon, or good evening. Today we continue on in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, and we come to wonder. Learning to live with awe and wonder helps a great deal in our search for our goals of continued sobriety and inner peace. 

Moments of Wonder

“A beam of light falls upon the metal. I look with awe and wonder at the star that appears… out of nowhere.

“Do you suppose there has always been such richness, such wonder, such beauty in the world? Perhaps, it has been there all along, waiting to be noticed, to be seen with the eyes of the heart.”

When I took this photo, I did not see the star formed by the sun’s reflection on the metal. In fact, it took me several months to notice it.

It wasn’t until I stood back across the room and looked at the photo, that I saw the star. I was struck with awe and wonder in that monent. Hence, the title for this image.

There are moments of awe and wonder all around us, if we just take the time to notice and look with our heart. It takes being still for a moment, to gaze around us at all that is vast and wondrous.

When we are still, even for brief moments, we will notice the hearty flowers, growing at the side of the road. Or, we will notice the little girl, so excited about discovering sand for the first time.

In our busy and often hectic day, we forget to just pause, to notice all that is so amazing right around us, surrounding us. When we take that moment, it goes a long way to furthering our peace of mind and our ability to continue living sober.

Today, slow down long enough to notice one amazing thing around you. Do this three times a day. Then tomorrow, do it every couple of hours and the next, every hour. Continue this until you are constantly seeing your entire world with wonder. Feel the inner peace that is generated.

Path of Acceptance

“When we become entwined with our path, the steps become as soft as velvet, and the ascent flows smoothly.”

Such is the case when we accept our path in life, accept our path on a daily basis. Often, we resist what is being shown to us as our true path and, as a result, life is difficult and we encounter many barriers, many obstacles. It just seems as if everything goes wrong.

On the other hand, when we tune into our path, take action on the things which come across our path that feed our soul, and further our dreams and goals, the Universe responds in like kind and moves us along smoothly, with little effort.

It’s hard to describe the wonderful feeling that occurs when we accept our path in life, for it is truly amazing. Things just fall into place and all we have to do is take that first step, follow where our path is leading us.

It takes trust in that power greater than us, that we are being guided to a safe and appropriate place, and it takes willingness to follow where we are being led. If we believe in our higher power, we can relax and do the work that comes across our path to do.

If we accept our lives as they are, even if we don’t like it, it makes our lives that much more easy to deal with, to cope with. We will know peace and we can easily maintain our sobriety. If we continually rail against or resist “what is,” we will continually know strife. 

Today, notice the times when your actions lead effortlessly to a positive result, one that is in line with your goals, your aspirations. Notice that when you accept what is going on in your life, even if you don’t like it, life flows smoothly. 

As we move through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we continue to look at ways in which we can interact with ourselves and our world. We can look at living in harmony. Remember, our goals are sobriety and peace.

Shades of Harmony

“When do we take the time to just listen to the breeze, the quietness, the ramblings of our mind or the world around us?

“When are we just still?

“When do we simply rest, quietly connecting with ourselves and all that is vast and wondrous around and within us?

“Could this explain our inability to touch ourselves and others in quiet, kind, and harmonious ways?”

We seem to always be racing around, not taking the time to quietly reflect upon ourselves – who we are, our beliefs, our dreams. Instead, we are cleaning or shopping or listening to TV or playing on the computer. I am guilty of the latter…

In doing that, we often are not living in harmony with ourselves and others. What would happen if we just ceased our constant motion and thought about who we are, what we want to be like in the world, how we want to relate to others and ourselves?

Do we not do it because we are frightened with what we will find if we do not fill our moments with activity? Perhaps, we will discover more about ourselves and our world that delights us, gives us strength and peace. Perhaps we will discover we are living in harmony.

As you go through your day, notice the opportunities to be still with yourself, simply reflecting on who you are at your core, what your dreams and aspirations are. Let those thoughts play in your mind, in your heart. See yourself living in harmony with yourself and others in your world.  

Invitation of Dialogue

“If we as individuals cannot speak to each other, how, then, can we as nations achieve peace?”

This is the verse that accompanies the next image in the book. We are walking through my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, one topic at a time. Our goals are sobriety and peace.

I was struck with awe when I saw this gate, as the little men seemed to be not only talking to each other, but listening as well. They seemed to be engaged in dialogue.

We as humans need to get ourselves together on the inside, and when we do, we then need to be able to communicate and interact with others in a meaningful way. When I say “meaningful,” I am referring to talking in a kind and respectful manner.

I listen to those around me when I am in public places, like the grocery store, and I am struck with how many people speak to each other in a mean or sarcastic way. I cringe when I hear this, thinking to myself that there is no kindness shown… no respect. And my heart is sad, believing that there is another way to talk with each other that is less hurtful.

As we engage in talking with another, we can, as I said, show kindness and respect. We can also show tolerance. There is no need to be sarcastic or defensive. And, one of the biggest things we can do when engaged with another is to listen to what they are saying, to have an interest in them.

Don’t worry. We will each get our chance to talk about ourselves and, if we don’t, then it was not meant to be. The other had something to get off their chest and we were the sounding board.

Yet, in a perfect world of dialogue with others,  it is a give and take of conversation, an ebb and flow of ideas, thoughts, and feelings. This makes for a rich and satisfying exchange for both parties.

In your conversations, are you kind, respectful, and tolerant to the other? Do you listen to what they are really saying, taking the time to not worry what you will say when it’s your turn to talk? Do you dialogue with others, talk with them, or do you talk to them? Today, be conscious of your dialogue with others and see if that feels different for you.

Thank you for joining me on today’s post about cultivating differences. This is a very important piece on the way to living a sober and peaceful life.

Cultivation of Differences

“We ask, require, demand that those around us be like us, share our attributes, our beliefs. And in so doing, we compare… one to another. In that process, do we not squash the spirit of one who is different from us – one whose thoughts and dreams and talents lie in a different place?

“We are like the gates. Although similar in design, what thrives in one spot does not grow in another. On one, there is corrosion or patina, while on another is mellowed brass.

“One is not more beautiful than another. Each has beauty in its own right, if we will only look… if we will only see.”

I wrote the first and third stanzas in my journal in 2002 as a result of my work and healing around the issue of always having been compared to my sisters and always having been found deficient. In 2004, when I photographed this gate, I added the stanza that starts “we are like the gates…”

Certainly, the message is clear about color, and cultivating the differences with people of different color. There are many other differences among us that can also be cultivated. There are different talents, dreams, and occupations. If we would stop comparing each other and instead cultivate our differences, the world would be a gentler place in which to live.

How do we do that? We become secure about ourselves first, secure in who we are as individuals, strong about our beliefs of who we are. Then, we approach others with a sense of curiosity about who they are – their beliefs, their customs.

We applaud their uniqueness, recognizing that our differences make our lives more rich, more full. We respect them for these differences, even if we believe someone has more “value” as a person if they go to college, for example. We dispel that myth, because each of us has a calling, and we respect and encourage everyone’s calling. We recognize that what we do is not who we are.

How do you cultivate our differences? Do you compare, one to another, or do you celebrate our differences? Today, show respect and encouragement to those who are different than you. Become curious about the customs and beliefs of those whom you will meet throughout the day. Notice how good that feels in your heart, your soul. 

If we are following through on the topics as I have presented them from my book, right about now we are going to experience the gift of grace.

Sweep of Grace

“Gently, quietly, an unearned favor of great beauty and pleasure is bestowed upon me.”

Grace is defined as an attractive quality, feature or manner. It is the unmerited love and mercy given to man by God, or the Universe, or whatever you consider that power greater then yourself to be.

It is a feeling that overcomes us, settles all around us like a warm cloak. When we feel grace, we feel complete, whole, and right. It has a flowing quality.

We feel at one with ourselves and the world around us. When we feel grace, we feel at peace. We are able to maintain our sobriety when we feel grace, as we feel our wounds and pains minimize; they don’t have the “sting” that they have had in the past.

Grace is that which allows us to meet calamity and unrest with smoothness, calmness, and quietness, knowing at a deep level that everything will be okay.

Grace is the reward we experience for having followed all the things we have talked about so far. It is a gift and we want to be thankful for it.

How do you experience grace? Is it something you feel often? What actions on your part bring you to grace? Today, notice when you are enveloped by grace. Cherish it, be grateful for it, and enjoy it.

Growth of Character

“Do we notice the character of another? Do we recognize the traits and qualities of another, grown over time on the wall of one’s being?

“Do we notice our own character, evolved, over time, on our own beautiful wall? Do we groom the moss and mold, encouraging new growth to flourish?” 

Or, are we not noticing the beauty of the character of another? When we notice, really notice, another’s character, we see the beauty that they have spent a lifetime gathering and growing.

We can acknowledge their growth, and celebrate it, just as we can acknowledge and celebrate our own growth of character. It has grown, over time, and it is truly a beautiful sight to behold.

If we take the time and make the effort to see the growth of character of our or another’s wall of our being, we will see the great strength that we each have cultivated. It is manifested as our code of ethics, our morals, truth, and integrity.

If we notice these things in another, we may choose to emulate them, which will, in turn, grow our own wall of character. We want to be forever learning, forever growing; this is the message of life. 

Take the time to notice another’s wall of their being today. What do you see? What can you learn from it to use on your own wall of character? Now notice your own being, the lessons and beliefs that create your character. Isn’t it beautiful? Doesn’t it feel peaceful just to be still and notice?

As we continue to search for sobriety and peace, we must develop tolerance. Defined as bearing or sustaining differences in others, allowing and permitting those differences, and recognizing and respecting those differences, tolerance must be our mantra.

Practice of Tolerance

“I have the most difficulty being tolerant of others when I am feeling inadequate, insecure, and uncomfortable with myself. Yet, when I am able to look beyond the imperfections of others, I discover great beauty and worth in them. And, I discover that another’s value does not diminish my own.”

There are things which cannot be tolerated, such as verbal or physical abuse, denigration of our spirit. We want to assess our own behavior and be sure we are not guilty of either of those. If we are, we pray for the willingness to change that behavior. We get help.

If we find ourselves in an abusive situation, we need to find the courage to speak up against the abuse. If we find we cannot do that because it incurs more of the same only with more force, then we consider getting ourselves out of that relationship.

Tolerance of others is a major way to promote peace, not only within, but in the world around us as well. Peace within and around us is not possible unless there is tolerance. The more sober we become, the more we find that tolerance just flows naturally.

It is so important that we practice tolerance; I cannot stress that enough. We will feel filled-up and that will generate more tolerance.

Not only do we need to develop tolerance for others, we must develop it for ourselves also. Certainly, we continue to perform an appraisal of our behaviors, yet, when we are less-than-perfect and hurt another, we are tolerant of ourselves, and then we take action to apologize and to change that behavior in future situations.

Assess yourself today. How do you practice tolerance with others and  yourself? If you discover you are not tolerant, you may take action to change that, as tolerance is the way to peace, to staying sober. It is our mantra.

In our continued quest for sobriety and inner peace, the next topic in my book, Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, is judgment, or lack of it.

The kind of judgment to which I refer goes beyond the assessment of a situation to assure our safety. I am talking about the type of judgment that degrades another, that diminishes them. 

Absence of Judgment

“Why do we judge others so harshly for being who they are, if their actions and behaviors feed their spirit and are not harmful to themselves or others?” The verse goes on to ask why we are so judgmental of ourselves for the same reasons.

Do you suppose we judge others so harshly because we are uncomfortable with ourselves, and, in an effort to feel better, we cut someone else down?

We first judge by appearance, so if someone dresses in a way that is out-of-the-norm, we have deemed them unworthy of our liking or consideration. It is said that in the first seven seconds of meeting someone, we have judged them. How do we have a clue what they’re all about in seven seconds?

Ah, perhaps we don’t care what they’re all about. Perhaps, we use that seven seconds to compare them to us, and we size ourselves up to their looks, so we can feel better about ourselves. Is that what we’re doing?

We don’t have to like everyone; that’s not what I’m advocating. But we can find out who they are inside, in their heart, and then let them be themselves without judgment of whether they’re good or bad people.

And what of ourselves, when we judge ourselves harshly? What’s with that? Often, we are harder on ourselves than we are with others. Instead of doing that, could we be kind and gentle, showing ourselves compassion? 

Today, take a minute to notice when you greet others whether you are judging them. Try instead, to see their soul, who they are as a person and reserve judgment. Take several minutes to reflect upon how you judge yourself, and just for today, try to catch yourself, and stop doing it. See how freeing and peaceful that feels?

Respect of Individuality

“We ask of others to follow our dreams, to be like us. Why?” 

Why, indeed! “Why can we not celebrate the talents and skills and differences of each other, encouraging others and ourselves to greatness, daring to stand out, to be unique, to be individual?”

Such is the verse that accompanies the image to the right in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing. We are continuing on through the book in our search and quest for sobriety and inner peace, and today we are looking at individuality.

This verse was prompted by my experience of always being compared to others and being found deficient, almost every time. My dreams and talents and skills were rarely applauded for the fist 16 years of life; instead, I and my interests were compared to my sisters and found to be stupid, a waste of time. 

As a result, I have struggled with daring to stand out with my uniqueness, my talents and skills, until I became sober, did some healing work, and found inner peace.

We do great disservice to others when we compare them to ourselves or another, rather than accepting and applauding them as they express who they are in their soul. We are negating their Spirit-given talents and abilities, who they are at their very core.

Perhaps, the number one thing we can do to encourage individuality in others is to have a firm belief in and appreciation of who we are ourselves. We can work on ourselves to discover these things. When we do, we can go outside of ourselves and truly appreciate another who is different than us.

We no longer see the other as a threat, needing to be cut down, when we feel secure about who we are. Rather, we rejoice in all the different people that exist in the world, confident in the knowledge that the differences lend texture and richness to our lives.  

It is this single action that will bring us respect of individuality in others. Ask yourself today if you can truly see yourself with respect for your own individuality, and then observe how free you are to appreciate the individuality of those around you. 

The topic after patience is acknowledgment. I share the verse from the book that goes with acknowledgment, and then talk about how to acknowledge.

Acknowledgment of Others

“We go within so we can reach out to others and we reach out to others so we can go within. It is a never-endiing circle of acknowledgment of each other, and of ourselves.”

The verse then goes on to say that we just want to be noticed by others, to be seen, how we need to matter to others, and to ourselves. It ends by stating that we need to help each other. We don’t need to do this thing called “life” alone.

Acknowledgment is nothing more than recognizing another and letting them see that you notice them. In the case of ourselves, it is the recognition and noticing of our feelings, our thoughts, our dreams and desires.

It is very simple to acknowledge someone. All it takes is a nod, a smile. If we are talking with someone and another comes up to speak with us, interrupting our conversation, we can hold up our index finger to symbolize “wait a minute. I’ll be right with you.”

It is very important to offer acknowledgment to ourselves. That means first noticing our thoughts and feelings, our dreams and desires, then lending them credence, validating them as we notice them.

On our path to sobriety and peace, we do not want to just look away and ignore these things; we want to offer ourselves the same courtesy we would extend to another. Once we provide our thoughts, feelings, dreams, and desires with acknowledgment, then we can take appropriate action, if indicated.

There is something magical that happens when we acknowledge another. You see, we are each so thirsty to be acknowledged, to be noticed, that their appreciation for noticing them is met with a smile. The same thing happens when we acknowledge ourselves; we gain more self-respect.

Take  a moment today and offer acknowledgment to another, to yourself. Experience the magic. 

Good day to you. The next topic in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing is patience.

Patina of Patience

“I am being asked to slow down so much after a life of running so fast. I do not know how to do that. How do I watch and wait for life to evolve naturally without forcing it? How do I learn to be patient?”

When we get sober, it is paramount that we learn to slow down, to simplify life. Instead of forcing things to happen, we must learn to let them unfold, in their own time.

This is difficult for most of us to do, yet is a skill which will benefit us greatly. It will pave the way to the peace we are trying to find. 

Note the blueish color of the gate. That is patina, which develops over time on metal. It is appropriate to link patience and patina in the same title, because all things rich and beautiful happen over time.

I say we must be patient and let things unfold, but that does not mean we sit around just waiting for things to happen. No, we first have to take appropriate action on the things which appear in our lives to do.

That is called doing the next indicated thing. Once we do that, we leave it alone, develop patience for the result, and go about the next indicated thing which appears on our path.

Practicing patience occurs over time, I cannot stress that enough. Learn to be patient in your efforts to master patience. The reward is priceless, will help to keep you sober, and will guide you on your way to peace.

This morning I will write about trying, patience, and perseverance. If you make an attempt at something and feel you have not succeeded, do not become discouraged!

Instead, try to look at your attempts as lessons. When you do not obtain the desired result, think of your efforts as designs from the Universe for your growth, learning, and healing. 

Rolls of Perseverance

“I struggle to not become discouraged, or to think I am a failure because I have not achieved in my first few attempts the vision of myself as I wish to be.

“Instead, I try to hold tightly to that vision, awaiting my efforts to catch up with the way I am seen by my heart. Through practice and perseverance, I am learning and growing.”

From this verse, it is evident that I have struggled with my failures. That was part of my path in sobriety, of my healing.

I can tell you that in my life today, I do not get discouraged very often; I just keep trying to do what I need to get done. I keep doing the next indicated thing that appears in front of me that is needed to reach a goal.

Over time, with continued perseverance, you will succeed. Your success will either be that you reach your original goal, or it will be the realization that the Universe does not wish for you to go in a certain direction.

Either way, this is a success. With your sobriety, there is a saying in the recovery community to not quit before the miracle happens. Keep working at it; persevere. Try again and again to achieve the person you truly want to be in your heart, whether that is a sober person, or one at peace.

It will come, really, it will. Do not become discouraged. Gently move forward with the tasks at hand, but don’t force things. Things that are meant to be will just fall into place with little effort.

If you get discouraged, it does nothing else but draw negative energy to you, which becomes a magnet for more negative experiences. Rather, with graciousness and humility, try again. Adjust your approach or your goal. Perhaps it is unrealistic or unreachable. You will be the judge of that as you assess the results of your efforts.

But the key is, do no become discouraged. Keep trying with perseverance.

Today, look at what you call a failure as actually a lesson to be learned, brought to you by the Universe. Don’t you find that your energy level remains higher when you approach it from that light?

This morning we continue on in my book and reach hope. We have now experienced ways for getting past hopelessness.

Ray of Hope

“A ray of light across the bars of my being lights my way, instills hope in my heart.” This is the verse that accompanies the photo on the left.

Hopelessness is defined as having no expectation of an event occurring, being despondent. Despondent implies being in very low spirits due to a loss of hope and a sense of futility about continuing our efforts.

Hope, on the other hand, is defined as a feeling that what is wanted will happen, a desire accompanied by expectation. It is hope which we want to cultivate in order to dispel hopelessness.

We have come a long way in our journey and have learned several tools and ways to act and behave that will be useful in combatting hopelessness. We have learned to surrender the pretense that everything is fine with us and we have discussed awakening to awareness of what is going on around and within us.

We have learned to trust in a power greater than ourselves, and to have courage and humility. Ways to treat ourselves with such things as gentleness, kindness, and compassion have been discussed.

We have become honest about ourselves and heave learned to practice willingness, to commit to the journey, to move forward. Finally, we have learned the tremendous tool of how to conduct a self-appraisal. Through that appraisal, we have come to forgiveness of both others and ourselves. Do you see how far we’ve come?

Now, after going through what we have, we have learned to accept ourselves. All of these things in combination provide for us a ray of hope that life can and will get better for us. Hopefully, it already has begun to do so.

We focus on that ray of hope as we work on getting past hopelessness, allowing hope to grow. We take a deep breath, reveling in this new-found hope, and we allow it to blossom.

Today, take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come, and begin to see the light at the end of the tunnel, the way past hopelessness to sobriety and inner peace.