Key of Willingness

Willingness is the key to our sobriety. It is behind everything… everything! Being willing to be willing will help us achieve sobriety and peace of mind. 

Behind all the things we have been talking about lies willingness. If we are willing to get sober, to be uncomfortable sometimes, and still not pick up a drink, then we have more chance of succeeding.

If we are willing to face our emotions, even the difficult ones, we improve our chances of staying sober. Willingness is behind our courage, our faith. 

If we are simply willing to consider the presence of a higher Source in our lives, we have more chance of being sober, as that Source can act to guide us.

Willingness is behind our degree of honesty. If we are willing to look at ourselves honestly and be who we are with others, then we increase our chances of staying sober.

If we are having difficulty getting willing, we pray for the willingness to be willing. It is that simple.

The thing about willingness is, it takes just a little to go a long way – just the size of a keyhole. Once we demonstrate that little bit, our Source comes to our aid and helps us expand upon it.

Willingness is something we do readily, cheerfully, and voluntarily. We consent to do something specified or implied. With this attitude, we cannot go wrong, we will not be led astray.

Today, be willing to open your heart and mind to the concept of willingness. Take action to be willing. Consciously identify and realize your level of willingness. When you become willing, your life will flow much more smoothly, you will be able to stay sober more easily, and you will find peace.

Openness of Heart

Having an open heart and mind are essential for sobriety. It is helpful for us to come at life with an attitude of wonderment, open to everything we see and hear.

Making or having a judgment about everything, thinking we know everything, is detrimental to trying to remain sober. It is contempt prior to investigation. Staying open leads to being delighted with everything that comes our way.

I used to have a pretty closed mind, thinking I knew everything there was to know about so many things. I was resistant to new ideas presented to me, always thought I knew best.

Then, when I got sober, I had to learn to practice humility, and I learned I didn’t know much about a lot of things. It was that return to humility again and again that taught me to have an open mind.

The thing that’s so cool about having an open mind is that we begin to see everything with awe and wonder. It is a place of great discovery and fun. Exposure to new things brings on a whole new dimension of richness to our lives.

Usually, an open heart follows an open mind. Perhaps this is because we protect our heart more. When we use the courage we have found and ask for help from our Source, we can get past the fear of opening our heart to let ourselves out and others in.

Do you have an open heart and mind? Where are you closed? Can you take a look at that and make a different decision about whether to have an open heart and mind? It will ease your life to have an air of openness. It will help you find inner peace.

Welds of Honesty

One of the most important practices we can use to get and stay sober is being honest. By this, I mean not only cash-register honest, but honesty about who we are.

Cash register honesty means we don’t lie, cheat, or steal. But above and beyond that, we want to be honest with ourselves and  others about who we are inside.

We will need our honesty when we reach the exercise of doing a performance self-appraisal, where we will look at the things we have done to harm others, as well as consider the things we are mad at others for. But for now, let’s focus on our positive traits.

There is a lot that is talked about regarding looking at our not-so-desireable traits, our dark side, if you will. But not much is said about considering and celebrating who we are on our positive side.

It is this that I urge us to do. We want to stop and take a deep breath. Then sit with, maybe write down, all the good things about ourselves. How were we kind to others in the recent past, tolerant, compassionate?

What are our strong qualities and traits that we want to consider? It is okay to acknowledge these to ourselves and others, as we become more honest about who we are.

We are each here for the special message we hold for others, and when we are not honest with others about our good points, we keep our value from them, thus denying them a valuable experience, maybe even a healing experience. We deny ourselves the pleasure of being of service to another.

When we look at out positive points, we do so with humility, being neither boastful nor shame-filled. We just state the facts with no emotion attached. This may be difficult for us to do, having been trained not to brag about oneself. Yet, with humility, we can avoid bragging.

Today, take the time to sit and reflect upon your good traits, the ones that make you unique, the ones that feed your soul when you are engaging in them. Once you have identified them, celebrate them. Congratulate yourself and know these are your gifts, the things that make you, you.

Know that those are your gifts that you are intended to bring to the world, and know that you cannot do that unless and until you are totally honest with others about who you are inside.

Warmth of Humility

Humility – showing a lack of pride or self-assertion, the state of being humble. Humble – being modest, not proud, showing a consciousness of one’s defects or shortcomings. When practiced, these behaviors all aid to help us stay sober.

Humiliation is not to be confused with humility. Humiliation is a drawing away in shame, to be made seen foolish and degraded. I used to mistake humiliation for humility when I became newly sober, being in great shame over who I was as a person, slinking away from others with a degraded demeanor.

Somewhere along the way, we learn that humility is a place of lightness and warmth. It is a result of us deciding to be modest, and of us giving acknowledgment and thanks to our Source for our talents and gifts.  

It is a place of “being” after having seen and acknowledged our shortcomings, having recognized the humanness of our mistakes, just as much as it is the celebration of our accomplishments. Yet, we remain right-sized about it all, neither cocky nor shameful.

When we are in this space of humility, we have an energy about us, a glow. We are not braggarts about our accomplishments. Rather, we acknowledge others for their accomplishments without mentioning ours.

Once practiced for a while, there is a pleasing quality to this. We feel good about recognizing others for their good points because we have made them feel good about themselves. We are being of service, and that feels nice.

Today, spend the day acknowledging and praising others for their good points, the things that make them special, without any mention of your own accomplishments or talents. Keep your mind totally on the other person. Practice being modest. How does that feel for you? Do you feel that glow, that warmth of humility?

Warmth of Humility

Humility – showing a lack of pride or self-assertion, the state of being humble. Humble –  being modest, not proud, showing a consciousness of ones defects or shortcomings. When practiced, these behaviors all aid to help us stay sober.

Humiliation is not to be confused with humility. Humiliation is a drawing away in shame, to be made seen foolish and degraded. I used to mistake humiliation for humility when I became newly sober, being in great shame over who I was as a person, slinking away from others with a degraded demeanor.

Somewhere along the way, we learn that humility is a place of lightness and warmth. It is a result of us deciding to be modest, and of us giving acknowledgment and thanks to our Source for our talents and gifts.  

It is a place of “being” after having seen and acknowledged our shortcomings, having recognized the humanness of our mistakes, just as much as it is the celebration of our accomplishments. Yet, we remain right-sized about it all, neither cocky nor shameful.

When we are in this space of humility, we have an energy about us, a glow. We are not braggarts about our accomplishments. Rather, we acknowledge others for their accomplishments without mentioning ours.

Once practiced for a while, there is a pleasing quality to this. We feel good about recognizing others for their good points because we have made them feel good about themselves. We are being of service, and that feels nice.

Today, spend the day acknowledging and praising others for their good points, the things that make them special, without any mention of your own accomplishments or talents. Keep your mind totally on the other person. Practice being modest. How does that feel for you? Do you feel that glow, that warmth of humility?

Spaces of Courage

It takes courage to get and stay sober. After all, when we stop numbing our feelings with alcohol, they present themselves for us to deal with, to look at, to heal from. It takes guts to hang in with it.

We can first consider that the experiences we will have are for the development of our soul, our consciousness, and for our healing. We have taken the step to become sober, and hopefully have committed to seeing ourselves through the tough times. Rely on your Source.

Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations With God, says of the experiences that greet us: “One thing we do know. Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having in this moment.”

Rather than drown out the pain that arises, or give it to another to solve for us, recognize that it is for our higher good, for our evolution to much bigger and more freeing things.

So how do we find the courage to stick with it, to remain sober, when we are desperately grappling for a hand hold, while our emotions are all over the map? As I mentioned above, we turn to our Source and ask for help through any difficulty.

We turn over our emotional pain to that Source, asking it to join us in a sacred space of healing. We will find the courage to continue. Know that your emotional status will improve, it will get easier and will improve.

Another thing to do is to be with our pain and apply compassion to it. We show ourselves compassion, kindness, and we speak gently to ourselves. We ask for courage and it will come if we are open to it.

This may sound frightening to some, dealing with emotional issues. Try not to allow this to prevent you from trying sobriety, for sober living is an amazingly beautiful way to live. As one who is on the other side of that emotional pain, I can truly say that the difficulty was worth what lies ahead. 

Have faith, have courage. Be willing to explore what lies ahead for you. Know that it is for your highest good, and you shall make it through the hard times. I wish you spaces of courage through the tough times. Remember, we are on a journey to peace. 

Shadows of Doubt

If you’re anything like I was, you will have some serious doubt as to the existence of Source. You will have some serious doubt about whether sobriety is worth it. You will want to start drinking because the stuff that surfaces is just not worth dealing with. It’s too painful and the anguish you feel is not justified.

Oh, I’ve been there many times, believe me. I used to go around yelling that sobriety wasn’t worth it, just wasn’t worth what I was feeling, this huge pain from old wounds. It was unbearable and my life was better when I was drinking! Far better!

There are two things about that. The first is that I was forgetting that I was vastly unhappy when I was drinking, and, in fact, drank because I was so unhappy. I was unhappy at a soul level and knew deeply that my life was not right.

The other thing to say is that what I later discovered in sobriety was the peace and joy I looked for in drugs and alcohol, only what I found is a thousand times better than I ever could have imagined. And that’s how worth it, it is to stick with sobriety, no matter what comes up for you emotionally.

Take a look at this picture for a minute. What do you see? What feelings are evoked when you look at the side with the shadows and then you look at the side where there are no shadows? I can tell you that when I look at the side with the shadows, I get a feeling of frenzy, disorganization, chaos. It’s just too much for me with the lines and circles together.

On the other hand, when I look at that side that’s through the gate, the side that’s bathed in light, I see calm, I see smoothness. I see relief. But I have had to go through the chaos, the frenzy, the gate, to get to the other side where my heart is bathed in light.

Look at it this way… As the sun changes its position, the shadows will disappear and the right side of the gate will also be calm. Our souls are like the changing sun… As we make changes in our lives, time will pass, and just as the right side became calm over time, so will the part of us that is currently chaotic and frenzied.

Rats, I was trying to keep this a short post after mine yesterday, which was somewhat lengthy. Now I see I am at 400 words, and I was shooting for 300. If you’ve stuck with me, I hope it is worth it for you.

The point is, it is well worth keeping with sobriety through all the strife. At least, that has been my experience. It is the best thing I have ever done with my life, this keeping sober stuff – the best thing ever. I hope you choose to dance with sobriety.

Offer of Trust

As we move forward in our journey into sobriety and my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing, we come to the topic of trust. Remember, we are in search of ways to get and stay sober, and to find peace.

Of paramount importance in the journey to and through sobriety, or simply through life, is a trust in Source, or the power of the Universe, or God, or whatever we call that force in the world which guides us, offers us solace, offers us opportunities. This force will take a front seat in our journey, and it will become our companion, our confidant.

This is necessary because when we have difficulty, and want to drink, we can call upon this Source to help us, and it will! It’s the most amazing thing! I came into sobriety just having read the book “Conversations With God” by Neale Donald Walsch, and I was smitten with the idea of God. I believed He was everywhere, in everyone, in me.

This became very important to me when the feelings of my emotions began to surface without alcohol or drugs to numb them, and it was this belief to which I turned to help keep me sober, to lessen the emotional pain I experienced. I got relief, and I was able to keep from drinking, so I kept believing.

But I lost trust as the hurts and pains of my old wounds surfaced in years two and three of sobriety, leading me to feel that God could not be trusted, that I still had to “watch my back.” This lack of trust went on for some time. Even so, some force graciously helped me stay sober, and I thanked that force daily.

At one point, my spiritual advisor suggested I notice every time something good happened in my life that I had not arranged, had not orchestrated. Something that was for my better good, or that fulfilled a piece of my dream. I did what was suggested and started noticing.

Sure enough, little things kept happening that furthered my dreams to become a photographer. Opportunities began to present themselves that I knew nothing about until they showed up. I began to make gains and strides in my healing work.

I finally made the choice to believe there was some guiding force that was grander than me, that would guide me through the maze of life -my emotions, my dreams, my challenges. That force comes to me in small voices in my head, telling me a certain course of action to take, being my conscience, guiding me when I listen to it.

The point is, we need to make the choice to believe in a force greater than ourselves to help us stay sober. We do not need to do this alone any more. It is safe to ask for help. There are people waiting for us with out-stretched arms, ones who have done it before and are guiding us. These people show up in our lives at just the right time, as if sent by Source.

It is my deepest hope to be considered by you as one of those people with out-stretched arms, guiding you through the process I took to stay sober and find peace. I share my story here to be of use to those of you still suffering, whether with an alcohol or drug problem or just plain emotional turmoil not complicated with substance abuse. May you find something in my words to further your journey in a positive manner. 

Birth of Awareness

Once we have cleared the energy by our surrender, we are able to develop awareness. Awareness has to do with what we notice around and within us. 

We walk through the gates of our sorrow, our despair, to reach our passions and desires. We look through the gate and focus our attention on the lushness we see on the other side and we decide to walk through the gate.

Why do we do this – develop awareness? We decide to develop our awareness of all that is around and within us – all the glory, the beauty, the peace to be had – because we know we want to be in that space, that we can further our sobriety from the place of peace and awareness.

How do we get to awareness? We first surrender, then begin to notice the little things around us in our physical world. We pay keen attention to the flowers, the lushness of life, that abounds all around us. Again and again, we bring our attention to what is right in front of us, to the feelings we have in our heart.

Once we have decided to walk through the gates of our fear and sorrow, our despair and worthlessness, this brings us the energy we need to focus on things around us, as we discussed above.

Birth of Awareness - proposed image

After noticing the physical world around us, we then turn our attention inside, and we notice all the things about ourselves that are delightful, that make us the unique being that we are. We begin to show our appreciation for what makes us this divine and beautiful being. 

When we look with awareness, we discover the possibilities for a different life, for a peaceful and sober life, and we want this. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy… wanting more awareness, clearing the space for it, and seeing with clearer eyes and heart.

Are you able to get to that place of awareness where you can focus on your world, both outer and inner? What helps you get to that place? What hinders you? How can you do things differently to increase your awareness?

In the discovery of all that exists beyond the gate, which photo do you think speaks more clearly – the current image, or the proposed one? Your feedback is most appreciated.

Surrender of Pretense

Our next topic on the road to sobriety is surrender. This is a very important step in the process.

What do I mean by surrender? I mean giving up the fight, giving up the pretense that all is find behind our false bravado and politeness. We need to step forth and let people know and see who we really are.

We need to give up trying to maintain as if everything is fine, when it is not. It is safe to show our vulnerability around certain people. Choose the people you open up to wisely, making sure they will not verbally abuse you with the information you give them about your thoughts and feelings.

When we give up, it is a surrendering, not in defeat, but in calmness, looking forward with an air of excitement to better times. Our goals are to become and remain sober and to find peace. 

How do we surrender? We just give up. We just say to ourselves that we no longer wish to fake it, when we’re dying on the inside.

We will wish to surrender initially to get sober, and then we will no doubt have to surrender again and again as we maintain our sobriety. We will need to give up our need to control and manage our emotions, our thoughts, our behaviors. Remember, we are giving in to the need and desire to become sober and doing whatever we need for that to happen.

What does surrender look like for you? Are you able to give up the pretense that all is fine behind your false bravado and politeness? I hope you can join us in surrender. It is the first step into a life of wonder and awe.