The Gift of Surrender
Today let’s talk about the gift that we receive when we give up, when we surrender. This is the next topic in my book Opening the Gates of the Heart: A Journey of Healing.
Surrender of Pretense
“I put on a courageous face and move bravely forward, but I feel lost and displaced. My heart, dies, one piece at a time behind a gate that rusts away.” Such is the beginning of the verse that accompanies this photo.
We get to a point where we are no longer able to maintain the pretense that all is fine behind our gate of false bravado and politeness. In essence, we need to give up, to surrender.
What we are trying to do, remember, is to find inner peace. We are trying to remain sober amid all the pain and hurt we feel.
The thought of giving up trying to juggle all the “balls” in our life is terrifying, I will admit. What will become of us if we just let go, if we give up?
In my case, it led to sobriety. I was so beaten down emotionally that I could not function – could not feed myself, lost touch with reality. All I could do was drink and cry.
I remember one night feeling especially bereft, and I turned my face to the sky, begging that power some call God to help me. The next thing I knew, I was headed from the Bay Area to San Diego to become sober with a friend.
I had given up. I could no longer keep that front up that I was fine because I was definitely not fine. I had severe emotional problems and my drinking was out of control. The rejection by the man I deeply loved was the catalyst for all sorts of past hurts and pains to come to the surface. Now I know they were rearing their ugly head for me to look at and to heal.
It is not pleasant to have to face our demons. We especially do not want to let go of the one thing that has been our friend, helping to numb out the pain of old wounds – alcohol. Even if you are not consciously aware of drinking to numb out, if you’re having problems because of your drinking, chances are that you are numbing out old hurts or things you have experienced that are just too painful to face.
My fear of letting go and surrendering was that I would find I was nothing, that what I had been told all my life was true – I was worthless and no good. What I found instead was a community of people, all trying to get sober, who welcomed me with open arms.
“Won’t I lose control if I let go?” you may ask. If we surrender, we will find that we are caught in the arms of those who have experienced similar things to what we have experienced, and we find support and solace from them.
It is safe to let go, to surrender. It is a necessary step on the way to finding inner peace.
Tags: gift of surrender, inner peace, letting go, peace, peace of mind, surrender